Friday, May 14, 2010

Top 100 Top 100 Lists of All Time GO!

PC Gamer magazine has released it's annual "Top 100 PC Games Of All Time" list. There isn't enough face to palm in the world.

First of all, this is just a flawed premise. Lists only work because they are brief and concise, for one thing. Once you get into top 100, it feels like you're just putting in filler. And how do you define PC games? It's obviously not PC exclusive, because most of the games there are multi-platform.

But let's ignore all that for a minute, and look at the list. I'm only going to look at the top 20, because.... That's all I can find actually. I looked for the rest, but I can't find it on the site. Ah well, it doesn't matter.

Note: I'll be skimming, just a little bit.

20. Wurm Online
Release: 2006
Last year: New entry
It's like a first-person, massively multiplayer medieval town-building sim, except you're not the guy in charge, you're one of the toiling peasants. Struggle against starvation and bears, work to transform the world around you by building homes, farms and castles.

I've never heard of this game. Ever. In my life. I gotta wonder though, did this game get better in the past year, because it was released in 2006, and it's a new entry on this years list. I'm confused, ah well, whatever.

17. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Release: 2003
Last year: 18
Better characters and narrative than were coming out from the movies at the time. HK-47 is what C3PO should have been. Creating a character that is, by virtue of being a robot, purely logical, then portraying him as 'evil' is pure genius. He's a total total ****** and my favourite character in gaming to-date.

YES! KOTOR has writing tons better than 99% of the crap out there, and the characters of Bastilla, Carth, HK-47, and Jolee are brilliant! So why, I ask, did this not break the top 10? Bah.

14. Starcraft
Release: 1998
Last year: 8
This was my first RTS experience at a LAN party, so I had no clue what was happening. I finally managed to gather enough resources and buildings to make this expensive unit . What I got was a slow-moving beetle like thingy with an attack button that you could not press. So I just kept moving it around hoping it would do.

This game is basically the national sport of South Korea, for those who don't know. I don't even really LIKE Starcraft all that much, it hasn't aged well IMO and I'm more of a WC3 person, but COME ON! 14? That's pretty low for, as far as I know, the only game to inspire a hit stand up comedy routine of a guy doing impersonations of the characters.

13. Portal
Release: 2007
Last year: 7
Aperture Science would like to remind you that Portal is the Best Game Ever. Those disputing Portal's claim to the title of 'Best Game Ever' should speak to our complaints department, located in the Incineration Annex. Thank you.

Yep, Portal is the best game ever. So why is it placed at 13, might I ask?

10. World of Warcraft
Release: 2004
Last year: 4
My first RPG and MMO. I've had many good times (and a few bad), learning that a MMO is quite different from singleplayer. From day one I was hooked and this game is the longest one I have played. Now playing it less, but occasionally returning to have some fun.

Ah, now we're getting to the good stuff, number 10. Actually, I think this is the first spot I've actually agreed with. WoW at number 10? Sounds about right to me.

9. Half-Life
Release: 1998
Last year: 9
Half-Life was the first game that told the story to me inside the character's perspective. The opening of the game was just mind blowing and no other FPS does that today. I love being taken on a Disney ride type of journey in a game, I don't want to just view it all in a cutscene like other games.

I actually haven't played Half-Life, nor Half-Life 2, but from what I understand, it's very much the same reason I love Portal, no cutscenes, you're never brought out of your character for even a second. You are Gordon Freeman, and you never stop being Gordon Freeman. I'll agree with this spot.

8. Dragon Age: Origins
Release: 2009
Last year: New entry
The world is wonderfully built and the characters are full of personality that keeps me interested in the game. To top it off I actually understand the level-up system. The combat system is one of the best I've played with in an RPG. To sum up: it is awesome.

I don't know anything about DA:O, except it's done by Bioshock, creators of KOTOR. I feel unqualified to talk about this spot.

7. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Release: 2006
Last year: 12
Bethesda's vast, open-world RPG not only looked gorgeous (OK, apart from the people), it had a seemingly limitless supply of quests, dungeons, adventures, people to meet and things to do. From hunting vampires to making it rain burning dogs, Oblivion had it all.

Oh yeah, Oblivion is awesome. It's a great game. I love Oblivion. 7th best game of all time? I don't think so. Better than KOTOR, Portal, or WoW? No. Not even kind of. This should be waaaay further down on the list.

6. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Release: 2009
Last year: New entry
The most modern of the warfares, the sixth Call of Duty is now a runaway success. A bombastic, over the top storyline that doesn't make much sense is saved by intense bullet-action, an updated multiplayer and new cooperative missions.



5. Team Fortress 2
Release: 2007
Last year: 6

Not even using their quote, because it's stupid. I'm glad that they recognized TF2 as being better than MW2, and this feels like a good spot for it on the list.

4. Deus Ex
Release: 2000
Last year: 10

Haven't played it, but from what I understand it's considered a really good game. I really wouldn't know where it should be on the list though, naturally.

3. Eve Online
Release: 2003
Last year: 2

I can feel my blood pressure rising. EVE has the unique honor of being the only game I've ever quit immediately after seeing the UI. It's a terrible, terrible game that shouldn't even be ON the list, let alone at number 3. In the words of Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw:

"If there were four words to sum up EVE they would be 'Massive waste of time' with the runner ups being 'Bored bored bored eyestrain.' ... Usually you have to factor in personal taste, but if you think EVE is fun you are provably wrong. ... I was going to say in jest that EVE feels like a game that doesn't want to be played, but in reflection I think I was onto something. Either it's a glorified chat room for the nerd who are to nerds what nerds are to normal people, or it's a high powered executive toy for Businessmen who are too busy to play a real game. ... Apparently there are people who can stay awake long enough to join and run player corporations. Either they're all bizzaro people who wear shoes on their heads, or I'm underestimating the appeal of having a second job you pay for."

2. Fallout 3
Release: 2008
Last year: New entry

It's Oblivion with guns. I've played it, it's not the second best game of all time.

1. Half-life 2
Release: 2004
Last year: 1

Meh. This list is so flawed, complaining at this point is like telling a Twilight fan that sparklevamps are stupid and ruining everything. It's like talking to a brick wall.

So basically, this was one of the stupidest things I've seen in a long time. Good job PC Gamer!


  1. (I typo'd and I'm a grammar nazi, so reposting.)

    Some of those were good(TF2, L4D, BioShock), but... Eh.

    I wasn't too happy with Mass Effect. Even though that is one of the top very, very favorite games of mine, I believe that Portal should have been above it. Mass Effect 1's entire combat system basically sucked, and the balancing between the amount of combat and dialogue was lousy.

    Also I must say WHAT THE FISH DA:O AT 8? I've played it, and it was fun, but... eh. It really doesn't seem like a number 8 to me. If they really wanted a BioWare game at 8, it should've been KOTOR. Because KOTOR wins. Period.

    Oblivion doesn't seem quite right, either. Morrowind was far better at level balancing(i.e. making you feel more powerful as you leveled up, which you don't get at all in Oblivion), even though it was older.

    And lolwat at EVE Online. Okay, I never actually played it, but I watched my mom play extensively, and I thought it was pretty cool, but it's not a number 3 game. I think, for something to be at number 3, almost everyone should like it. Not exactly true with EVE.

    I actually have a bit of a personal issue with Fallout 3, mainly because the dystopian genre is one of my favorite genres of everything ever, and the fact that whenever you say "dystopia" to... basically anyone, they think of Fallout, which annoys me to no end for basically no reason, because a) there are much better things inside that genre and b) it's not even that dystopian.

    The best game of all time, while very good, isn't HL2. I honestly and truely think it should've been Tetris. Because Tetris is Tetris and I have yet to meet a game that is a good as Tetris.

    Anyway that's my two cents.

    By the way, I'm curious--is Spore/The Sims version anything on that list? I'm sort of too lazy to weed through the whole thing.

  2. I didn't see The Sims on the top twenty, but like I said I couldn't even FIND the rest.

    I don't like lists like this because it's too broad to say the definitive "best game". If you want to do "Best MMOs" or "Best RPGs" or "Best FPSs" that's great, but with such a wide listing, it's impossible to pick a "best" game.