Top 100 Top 100 Lists of All Time GO!

PC Gamer magazine has released it's annual "Top 100 PC Games Of All Time" list. There isn't enough face to palm in the world.

First of all, this is just a flawed premise. Lists only work because they are brief and concise, for one thing. Once you get into top 100, it feels like you're just putting in filler. And how do you define PC games? It's obviously not PC exclusive, because most of the games there are multi-platform.

But let's ignore all that for a minute, and look at the list. I'm only going to look at the top 20, because.... That's all I can find actually. I looked for the rest, but I can't find it on the site. Ah well, it doesn't matter.

Note: I'll be skimming, just a little bit.

20. Wurm Online
Release: 2006
Last year: New entry
It's like a first-person, massively multiplayer medieval town-building sim, except you're not the guy in charge, you're one of the toiling peasants. Struggle against starvation and bears, work to transform the world around you by building homes, farms and castles.

I've never heard of this game. Ever. In my life. I gotta wonder though, did this game get better in the past year, because it was released in 2006, and it's a new entry on this years list. I'm confused, ah well, whatever.

17. Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic
Release: 2003
Last year: 18
Better characters and narrative than were coming out from the movies at the time. HK-47 is what C3PO should have been. Creating a character that is, by virtue of being a robot, purely logical, then portraying him as 'evil' is pure genius. He's a total total ****** and my favourite character in gaming to-date.

YES! KOTOR has writing tons better than 99% of the crap out there, and the characters of Bastilla, Carth, HK-47, and Jolee are brilliant! So why, I ask, did this not break the top 10? Bah.

14. Starcraft
Release: 1998
Last year: 8
This was my first RTS experience at a LAN party, so I had no clue what was happening. I finally managed to gather enough resources and buildings to make this expensive unit . What I got was a slow-moving beetle like thingy with an attack button that you could not press. So I just kept moving it around hoping it would do.

This game is basically the national sport of South Korea, for those who don't know. I don't even really LIKE Starcraft all that much, it hasn't aged well IMO and I'm more of a WC3 person, but COME ON! 14? That's pretty low for, as far as I know, the only game to inspire a hit stand up comedy routine of a guy doing impersonations of the characters.

13. Portal
Release: 2007
Last year: 7
Aperture Science would like to remind you that Portal is the Best Game Ever. Those disputing Portal's claim to the title of 'Best Game Ever' should speak to our complaints department, located in the Incineration Annex. Thank you.

Yep, Portal is the best game ever. So why is it placed at 13, might I ask?

10. World of Warcraft
Release: 2004
Last year: 4
My first RPG and MMO. I've had many good times (and a few bad), learning that a MMO is quite different from singleplayer. From day one I was hooked and this game is the longest one I have played. Now playing it less, but occasionally returning to have some fun.

Ah, now we're getting to the good stuff, number 10. Actually, I think this is the first spot I've actually agreed with. WoW at number 10? Sounds about right to me.

9. Half-Life
Release: 1998
Last year: 9
Half-Life was the first game that told the story to me inside the character's perspective. The opening of the game was just mind blowing and no other FPS does that today. I love being taken on a Disney ride type of journey in a game, I don't want to just view it all in a cutscene like other games.

I actually haven't played Half-Life, nor Half-Life 2, but from what I understand, it's very much the same reason I love Portal, no cutscenes, you're never brought out of your character for even a second. You are Gordon Freeman, and you never stop being Gordon Freeman. I'll agree with this spot.

8. Dragon Age: Origins
Release: 2009
Last year: New entry
The world is wonderfully built and the characters are full of personality that keeps me interested in the game. To top it off I actually understand the level-up system. The combat system is one of the best I've played with in an RPG. To sum up: it is awesome.

I don't know anything about DA:O, except it's done by Bioshock, creators of KOTOR. I feel unqualified to talk about this spot.

7. The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Release: 2006
Last year: 12
Bethesda's vast, open-world RPG not only looked gorgeous (OK, apart from the people), it had a seemingly limitless supply of quests, dungeons, adventures, people to meet and things to do. From hunting vampires to making it rain burning dogs, Oblivion had it all.

Oh yeah, Oblivion is awesome. It's a great game. I love Oblivion. 7th best game of all time? I don't think so. Better than KOTOR, Portal, or WoW? No. Not even kind of. This should be waaaay further down on the list.

6. Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Release: 2009
Last year: New entry
The most modern of the warfares, the sixth Call of Duty is now a runaway success. A bombastic, over the top storyline that doesn't make much sense is saved by intense bullet-action, an updated multiplayer and new cooperative missions.

NERD RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!
WHY IS A GAME THAT COMPLETELY SCREWED OVER THE PC GAMES MARKET WITH NO DEDICATED SERVERS CONSIDERED THE 6TH BEST PC GAME OF ALL TIME?

5. Team Fortress 2
Release: 2007
Last year: 6

Not even using their quote, because it's stupid. I'm glad that they recognized TF2 as being better than MW2, and this feels like a good spot for it on the list.

4. Deus Ex
Release: 2000
Last year: 10

Haven't played it, but from what I understand it's considered a really good game. I really wouldn't know where it should be on the list though, naturally.

3. Eve Online
Release: 2003
Last year: 2

I can feel my blood pressure rising. EVE has the unique honor of being the only game I've ever quit immediately after seeing the UI. It's a terrible, terrible game that shouldn't even be ON the list, let alone at number 3. In the words of Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw:

"If there were four words to sum up EVE they would be 'Massive waste of time' with the runner ups being 'Bored bored bored eyestrain.' ... Usually you have to factor in personal taste, but if you think EVE is fun you are provably wrong. ... I was going to say in jest that EVE feels like a game that doesn't want to be played, but in reflection I think I was onto something. Either it's a glorified chat room for the nerd who are to nerds what nerds are to normal people, or it's a high powered executive toy for Businessmen who are too busy to play a real game. ... Apparently there are people who can stay awake long enough to join and run player corporations. Either they're all bizzaro people who wear shoes on their heads, or I'm underestimating the appeal of having a second job you pay for."

2. Fallout 3
Release: 2008
Last year: New entry

It's Oblivion with guns. I've played it, it's not the second best game of all time.

1. Half-life 2
Release: 2004
Last year: 1

Meh. This list is so flawed, complaining at this point is like telling a Twilight fan that sparklevamps are stupid and ruining everything. It's like talking to a brick wall.

So basically, this was one of the stupidest things I've seen in a long time. Good job PC Gamer!

Glee Review - Home

Wow. What a terrible episode of Glee. I thought I was starting to understand this show. I thought it was a stupid soap opera about teen drama. I can appreciate why people watch stupid soap opera's about teen drama. I enjoy the show. I laugh at the plot lines, and enjoy the music. Then this abomination is aired.

Seriously, instead of continuing any kind of coherent plot, like the one between Rachael and Jesse, or between Finn and Rachael and Quinn and Puck, or between Will and his wife and Emma and that one lady from the rival glee club, they decided to put that all on the back burner and air an after school special. Or, should I say, EVERY after school special. Every single one, ever made, ever.

Was I watching Glee, or Boy Meets World (a comedy well known for having one depressing episode about alcoholism or something like that every season.)? Let's recap:

Mercedes is feeling uncomfortable about her body. Yep, that's an after school special right there.
So she goes on one of those all shake diets. Ooh, there's another one there. I think I saw that on Doug once. Let me see if I can find that episode... *Time passes* Yep, I looked it up. "Doug's Chubby Buddy".

Meanwhile, since two after school specials aren't enough per episode...
Kurt hooks up his father with Finn's dad. Finn has trouble letting go of his dead father, and they both have to learn it's ok for your parents to date, and that it's ok to let go, and that it's ok if your parents pay attention to other people they still love you too, and that they'll always love your other parent... Holy crap, that's like six more after school specials right there.


MEANWHILE BACK AT THE RANCH, The drunk chick (Note: I'm referring to her character not the actress.) from Pushing Daisies is back, making me miss that show even more. Ugh, why can't THAT show still be on air, instead of rubbish like FlashForward? Sorry, bad tangent. Anyways, like I was saying, she's back and she's slightly less inappropriate this time (Which is relative to last time of course.). Will and her have like 3 duets, and I spend the entire episode wondering where Emma went.



Sue says a few funny things, even though she's offscreen for most of the episode... More drama... Oh and then the most unintentionally funny scene in the show so far. So, Finn has put his Dad's ashes into his old chair for some reason that is never adequately explained. I think his family is crazy. Anyways, Kurt's dad comes over to have "A man to man" with him... Quaint. Anyways, they talk, and work things out, it's all very sappy and stupid, and then it happens. They go to sit down and Finn MOVES THE ASHES OUT OF THE CHAIR, SETS THEM ON THE ENDTABLE AND TELLS KURT'S DAD TO SIT THERE. Kurt's dad does it, and then stares at the ashes for a moment. At that moment, I busted out laughing. I couldn't help myself. Screw emotional scenes, you can only go so far before it becomes hilarious. My parents both looked at me like I was crazy when I burst out laughing, I muttered "I'm a horrible person for laughing at that." and then we finished watching.

In any case, I was disappointed by this Glee. It was truly awful, and while it won't turn me off from the show completely, I'm hoping the next episode is better.

FlashForward Episode Review - Better Angels

Congratulations FlashForward, you have begun to win me back. This season was easily one of the best episodes of the show so far, and by far the best episode of this season.

By the way, I won't be using the actual character names, because screw that, so here's a quick key.

Simon = Charlie
Mark = Drunk Cop
Olivia = Penelope
Demetri = Asian Cop
Lloyd = Affair Guy (He isn't in this one though.)
Janis = Lesbian cop
Charlie = Little Girl


Warning, spoilers follow.



The episode began with the team finally going off to Somalia, accompanied by some guys who could only be more obvious that they are going to die if they were wearing red shirts and talking about how they were retiring next week. As they land, Charlie starts commenting on how it's not so bad here (because he's apparantly an idiot.) and so they of course, are fired at, and some of the redshirts die. We get introduced to Scar, Simba's uncle, and warlord of Somalia.

They get taken hostage because he's not buying the whole "HURR HURR HUMANITARIAN HURR" act. After a few more redshirts bite the dust one guy randomly pukes (?) and says that they're CIA, even though they're FBI, which I didn't really understand. I mean, isn't saying they're CIA going to get them into more trouble?

Apparently yes, because Scar says he want's like, a bajillion tanks, planes, guns, etc. or he won't let them go. His vision was giving a speech as the "new face of Somalia" finally ending the civil war/chaos that's going on there. He mentions better angels, and lesbian cop figures out that he was giving a speech about peace not murdering.

She gets him to log onto mosaic, because apparently they have internet there. And he sees that there is things confirming that he was in fact quoting Lincoln, so he's like, a good guy now and stuff.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, drunk cop and Penelope are trying to get little girl to tell them what she saw. Also they might move. Or not. Or something. I don't really care.

The point is... She really didn't see anything having to do with "D. Gibbons is a bad man.", that was something the autistic kid wrote with magnets on the fridge. Also her dad is dead apparently.

At the hospital, the guy with cancer who I actually kind of like tells some chick that he changed his name because he needed a better doctor name.

Back in Somalia, all the redshirts are dead so we can finally go into the tower. Inside they find a chess piece, and a VHS tape (this was abandoned in '91.) with interviews from people in the village, and D. Gibbons on the tape explaining that this was in Charlie's words "A beta test for the blackout." So they finally figured out something I figured out back when we found out all the crows died in Somalia in '91? Good detective work guys.

They cop who's name I don't know and care so little about I don't even give him a fake name tells Scar, the warlord who HAS A GUN AND CAN KILL THEM AT ANY MOMENT, that god is a lie and only the power of SCIENNNNCE can cause blackouts. Which seemed like a bad idea to me, but whatever.

They find a generator, and Charlie explains that it would take 5 of them back in '91 to power the local blackout, when Asian Cop asks how just one could cause the global blackout Charlie yells at him that rules don't apply any more (SCREW THE RULES I HAVE TECHNOLOGY!), which I didn't understand. When did we find out only one generator powered the blackout?

Finally, they go into the final room and find that *GASP* EVERYONE IN THE VILLAGE WAS MURDERED TO DEATH!!!!111one!!! Scar goes berserk on Charlie and almost kills him, when captain generic shoots him in the back. Good job prolonging a civil war for another few years. Shooting him in the arm would have been to logical right?

Back in the village, everyone is tired, and Asian Cop and Lesbian Cop have a VERY SERIOUS DISCUSSION about how she can't have her baby now, because she would have to conceive at that very moment. Asian Cop offers his services, and when Lesbian Cop asks about his, y'know, fiance, he replies with something just short of "She don't need to know 'bout this baby, life is short, I'll be dead soon, let's make some sweet Somalian lovin'." Fade to black. I'm still not sure what just happened.

Later, Captain Generic meets Asian Cop in the tower again, watching the VHS because he couldn't sleep "among other things". Suddenly, the tape stops being static and reveals one of those hidden tracks like bands sometimes put on albums. D. Gibbons is all like "Yo' Demetri! Yeah, you! I'm talking to you! The past here! I got your attention?!"

Fin.

Wait, what? Why did Gibbons hide a message for Demetri on the VHS? How did he know to? Why did the cops stop watching the tape after 2 seconds of static the first time? (No seriously, the message was no more than 30 seconds after the static began.)

Questions:
Did Asian Cop and Lesbian Cop make a baby, and will Asian Cop end up being murdered by his fiance when she finds out?
Was "D. Gibbons is a bad man" the MOST anti-climactic reveal ever?
What does D. Gibbons have to say to Demetri that's so important he would hide something on a VHS from '91?
Will I ever get the character names right?!

Tune in next week to see Drunk Cop be very angsty.