Today I'm going to be reviewing "One Less Lonely Girl". Today's is notable because as of writing this sentence, I actually have yet to hear "One Less Lonely Girl". I've got it all queued up in another tab, and I'm going to press play now.
2 minutes 29 seconds in. This song goes on FOREVER!
Ugh... Let's just start, shall we?
He starts the song with an annoyingly fake "Alright let's go" (trust me Bieber, I'd love to, but I'm doing this for the readers.)
"There's gonna be one less lonely girl (One less lonely girl) (x4)"
Oh joy, 15 seconds in, and already with the repetition. This is going to hurt a whole lot, isn't it?
"How many I told yous/And start overs/And shoulders have you cried on before?"
Yes, please do tell me how many I told you's, and start overs you've cried on. Please.
"How many promises/Be honest girl/How many tears you let hit the floor?"
Nothing spectacularly bad about this part, although I do have to comment that, again, like with the previous line, he starts with "how many promises" as though he's going to ask a question, and then switches to a different question entirely.
Focus Bieber, get one question out, THEN move on to the next.
"How many bags you packed/Just to take 'em back/How many either or's?/(But no more!)"
At least this one seems to rhyme.
"If you let me inside of your world/There'll be one less lonely girl"
Because Justin Bieber will no longer be lonely. ZING!
"Oh ohh ohhh/I saw so many pretty faces/Before I saw you, you/Now all I see is you/I'm coming for you"
Folks, he just rhymed you, with you, and then continued by rhyming THAT you, once again, with you.
Give him a hand folks, it takes skill to be that awful.
"No, don't need these other pretty faces/Like I need you, you/And when you're mine/In this world/There's gonna be one less lonely girl"
Do you see what he did there?! HE MIRRORED THE PREVIOUS LINE! MY GOD! HE'S A GENIUS!
...Wait no! He sucks!
"(I'm coming for you) There's gonna be one less lonely girl (x5)"
No seriously, I know I made that joke about him being a girl before, but much like in Baby and Eenie Meenie, it seems like he's setting himself up for some pretty obvious mockery with this one.
"I'm gonna put you first (I'm coming for you)/I'll show you what you're worth (That's what I'm gonna do)/If you let me inside of your world/There's gonna be one less lonely girl"
Again, nothing too offensively bad here, just dull and repetitive.
"Christmas wasn't merry/14th of February/Not one of them spent with you/How many dinner dates/Set dinner plates/And he didn't even touch his food/How many torn photographs/Saw you taping back/Tell me that/You couldn't see an open door"
Alright, this is actually the least sucky part of the song. It's not great, I'm not even sure I'd call it good, but it's certainly better than anything else in the song.
Basically, if the rest of the song were like this verse, I might not despise the song.
Aaand then we get more repetition of what I've already commented on. Greeeeat. Seriously, there's not much more I can say about the chorus. It's boring. It's bland. It's repetitive. It sucks. It has the same problem "Somebody to Love" had, of the chorus essentially being the same line over and over. So let's just skip ahead to the next verse, shall we?
"I can fix up your broken heart/I can give you a brand new start/I can make you believe/I just want to set one girl free to fall/Free to fall/Fall in love with me"
"I'M JUSTIN FREAKIN' BIEBER!"
"Her heart's locked/And nowhere to find the key/I'll take her and leave the world/With one less lonely girl"
This part puzzles me. So he's saying that her heart is locked, and he cannot find the key... So he'll take her anyway, even though, since he can't unlock her heart, she's obviously not in love with him? What? That's kind of a depressing message to be sending your fans isn't it Bieber?
"There's gonna be one less lonely girl (x80 or so)"
And thus ends "One Less Lonely Girl". This song is just BORING. Nothing about it is memorable. It's somewhere in that dead zone, where it's not BAD enough for me to really get angry about anything in it, but it's certainly not GOOD. I hate talking about this, because there's not much to say either positive OR negative. Is it as bad as "Somebody to Love"? No. But the music is slow and dreary, the lyrics are repetitive like everything else Bieber's done, and overall, it's a forgettable song, both musically, AND lyrically.
Next up, "Never Say Never". God help me.