We've got a whopper today folks. Today's song makes "Baby" look like it was The Beatles.
Today's song is Eenie Meenie.
Eenie Meenie is a joint effort by Justin Bieber, who we all know and (hopefully) loathe, and Sean Kingston. Alright let me get this part out of the way, I have no idea who Kingston is, but he's the more tolerable part of this song. He's not great by any means, but he's a lot better than Bieber. But I'm not here to talk about their singing voices, I'm here to talk about LYRICS! And this song has some of the worst lyrics I've ever heard. So let's begin listening to the song "Eenie Meenie".
It starts with a little intro of the rap portion later in the song... I'll cover that, oh TRUST ME, I'll cover that, later on in the song, when it's actually done all the way through.
"(Kingston)She's indecisive/She can't decide
"This song's redundant/It repeats itself"
"She keeps on lookin'/From left to right"
Well, crossing the street is serious business Sean.
"Girl c'mon get closer/Look in my eyes"
See, now THIS is the proper way to use the term "Look in my eyes". Good job.
"Searchin' is so wrong/I'm Mr. Right"
"I'M SEAN FREAKING KINGSTON!"
"You seem like the type/To love 'em and leave 'em/And disappear right after this song"
Honestly, I'm a sucker for self aware references like this in songs, even when they're painfully bad, so this was fairly amusing.
"So give me the night/To hold you and show you/Don't leave me dancin' out here alone"
Yeah... Hold you... That's what he's... Going to do... This lyric is not dirty at all... Not. At. All.
"Cause you can't make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind/Please don't waste my time, time, time, time, time/I'm not tryin' to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind/I wish our hearts could come together as one!"
Geez! And I thought the first line was repetitive!
"('Cause) Shadi (Shawty? Shoddy? Shotty?) is a eenie meenie miney mo lova' (x4)"
Ok, I let me knock the obvious out of the way here, EENIE MEENIE MINEY MO LOVER?! EENIE MEENIE MINEY MO LOVER?!?!
Seriously, this line is dumb. Just... Dumb. Eenie Meenie Miney Mo did NOT need to be used in a song. Ever. It's a children's nonsense rhyme, and they based the entire chorus- no, the entire SONG, after it.
Also it should be "an" not "a".
BUT! The point I actually really want to make here is WHAT THE HECK IS "SHADI"?!
Seriously, I first heard this term in Iyaz's "Replay" (not a great song, not a terrible song), and I thought it was supposed to be a name. Now I've been informed that it's a nickname you call a short girl, derived from "Shorty"?
...What?! Seriously... Is this going to become a thing? Because it's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. And I'm currently analyzing a song called "Eenie Meenie".
"Shorty" was already a short enough word, that there was NO NEED to turn it into some... Bizzare... Crazy moon language word. Seriously. This word, "Shadi", or "Shawty", or "Shoddy", or whatever... It just makes me angry. Maybe I'm alone, but I HATE this term, and it ruins a song for me when I hear it.
Anyways.
"(Bieber)Let me show you what your missin'/Paradise/With me you're winnin' girl/You don't have to roll the dice"
Wow. I haven't heard someone abuse syllables that badly since the Transformers theme song tried to fit "The Decepticons" into one syllable.
"Tell me what you're here for?/Them other guys?"
Um... Judging from everything you've said so far, I'd say... Yes.
"I can see right through ya'"
...Ok... And... Waiting for you to say the next line... What are you rhyming "ya" with? Anyone? Anyone? Song? Are you moving on? Hello? Song? Hello? Hello? Anyone? ...Ok, I guess we're moving on.
"You seem like the type/To love 'em and leave 'em/And disappear right after the song"
It was better when Kingston did it. And said "this". Not "the".
"So give me the night/To hold you and show you/Don't leave me dancin' after out here alone"
Stiiiiiiiill dirty.
"Cause you can't make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind/Please don't waste my time, time, time, time, time/I'm not tryin' to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind/I wish our hearts could come together as one!"
One, one, one, one!
...What?
"('Cause) Shadi is a eenie meenie miney mo lova' (x4)"
Seriously, what does that even mean?! I get it's supposed to mean she's indecisive but... Eenie Meenie Miney Mo is a pretty strict way of making decisions. It's arbitrary, sure, but... Still... Unless it's literal, and she's actually making the choice of who to date by playing Eenie Meenie Miney Mo... Uhh... Red flag dude. Red flag.
"(Rapped by Kingston with Beiber joining in later) Eenie meenie miney mo/catch a bad chick by her toe/If she holla'- If- If- If she holla/Let her go (x2)"
Because remember kids, when a girl breaks up with you, grab her and don't let her go until she screams.
"('Cause) Shadi is a eenie meenie miney mo lova' (x4)"
You know how I said the line "Are we an item?" was not helping his case in the eyes of the people who make fun of him? I don't think Justin Bieber calling a girl Shadi (Shorty) is going to help that much either.
"Cause you can't make up your mind, mind, mind, mind, mind/Please don't waste my time, time, time, time, time/I'm not tryin' to rewind, wind, wind, wind, wind/I wish our hearts could come together as one!
MORE REPETITION?! JUST WHAT I WANTED TO HEAR! (Don't worry, we're almost done.)
('Cause) Shadi is a eenie meenie miney mo lova' (x4)"
And thus ends yet another abysmal song by Justin Bieber. Even more repetitive than Baby, and, while I do think that the singing is FAR better in Eenie Meenie than it was in Baby (thanks in no small part to Kingston), the lyrics were even WORSE.
Well, I've searched two songs thus far, and I've yet to find a single line that could be considered anything CLOSE to an "epic lyric". What next, you may ask? Well... Honestly I don't know. Didn't he do a Queen cover or something?
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