Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Shmandalf the Shmey

So. Like a lot of nerds, I like World of Warcraft. Like a smaller subset of nerds (supernerds, if you will) I like the lore behind Warcraft. I think the deep universe they've built up is one of the biggest, most extensive storylines ever. There is so much material, even outside the games, that it makes up a very real feeling world to me. I mean, what other video game can get away with people writing regularly updated blogs about the storyline alone? (http://www.lorecrafted.com/, I'm looking at you.)

But there's another thing about the Warcraft universe. The story, well, there are quite a few points that make no sense. In fact, large portions of it, make little to no sense. Here's an example: The Caverns of Time: Hyjal, is basically one big paradox.

For those who don't play WoW, the caverns of time are a giant underground series of caves, run by the Bronze Dragonflight (Protectors of time.) and each cavern leads to a different time period. The Battle for Mount Hyjal is one of the most important points in history (history of Azeroth that is) when the Night Elves, Humans, and Orcs, all mortal enemies at the time, teamed up to fight off the demon lord Archimonde from destroying the world tree, which gave the night elves immortality. If the world tree were destroyed, Archimonde would easily destroy the world.

Here's the thing though, for the other Caverns of Time we're allowed into by Bronze Dragonflight are under siege by another dragonflight, the Infinite Dragonflight, who are attempting to alter the past. For example, in one cavern they try to destroy the orc leader who leads a rebellion that forms the Horde, one of two large factions in the world, before he ever escapes from a human internment camp. So you help him escape. Makes sense. Sort of.

But in the battle for mount Hyjal, you're just going for the heck of it. It's like a vacation. But this raises the question, what if we hadn't gone back and helped them? Well, they would lose to the demon army. So you would never have been there to go back and help them. IT'S A PARADOX.

However, a friend and I have come up with the solution. Shmandalf the Shmey. Shmandalf is an all powerful archmage, who can not only travel back in time, he can solve all continuity problems, with magic.
What kind of magic? No, I don't think you understand. Magic.

Shmandalf is also a master of disguise. You never know who he might be. Here are a few of his known alias's:
'Gandalf the Grey' (He wasn't really trying with this one though, obviously.)
The orc who gives you the quest to smack the peons in the Valley of Trials
The peons you smack in the Valley of Trials
That vulture you just flew over in thousand needles

Not only that, but Shmandalf has some pretty cool spells. One of them is known as Empowered Lightning Shock. It has the power to bring the dead back to life. He can even use it on himself if he ever died.

In fact, it doesn't have to be Caverns of Time problems he can fix? The Draenai/Eredar retcon? That was all Shmandalf's doing.

Heck, they don't even have to be in-game problems, remember awhile back when Blizzard said Goblins would never-ever-ever be playable? No you don't. They never said that. Shmandalf made it so.

So just remember, next time you need to retcon anything at all ever Shmandalf is there for you.

P.S. If I ever wrote a fantasy novel series, Shmandalf would be a character, just for the lolz.
P.P.S. This is probably why I don't write a fantasy novel series.

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