Movie Review - Mr. Popper's Penguins

I'm just going to start the review off with this; I know Jim Carrey is a very polarizing actor. You either love him, or you hate him. Personally, I'm of the camp that loves him. My third favorite film (behind The Dark Knight and The Nightmare Before Christmas) is The Truman Show. I love Liar Liar, Bruce Almighty, The Mask, The Majestic, and I even find his less enjoyable films like Yes Man enjoyable. Heck, I even liked him in the awful film adaptation of A Series of Unfortunate Events, though honestly it was a poor choice to cast him in that role along with many other poor choices made in that film.

So basically what I'm saying is that I'm a fan of Jim Carrey. He's probably in my top five favorite actors for The Truman Show and The Majestic alone. I know he overacts and plays up the slapstick humor, and I honestly wish he'd make more dramatic films, but he's Jim Carrey, and I just can't make myself dislike him.

So, now that I've spoken about the leading man, let's talk about the movie, shall we? Mr. Popper's Penguins is- Ok, let's stop right here. You know exactly what this movie is already. It's a Jim Carrey movie!

The movie begins with Mr. Popper, played by Jim Carrey, obviously, being the dad from Liar Liar. Over the course of the film, Bruce gains the mystical powers of Morgan Freeman, and proceeds to use them to create wacky hijinks involving a mystical mask that calls upon the powers of Count Olaf to bring shame to a popular series of surprisingly well written and hilarious books.

Ok, seriously, I'll stop. Jim Carrey starts off the film as a divorced businessman with two kids who can't stand him. Then through the magical powers of plot convenience, Jim Carrey ends up with 6 CGI penguins who do various adorable things throughout the movie. Except for all those stupid toilet jokes. Those aren't funny or adorable.

I actually enjoyed this film quite a lot, but like I said, I like Jim Carrey. If you're a fan of Jim Carrey, like I am, you'll probably find something to enjoy in this movie. He's slapstick, over the top, and as much like a real-life cartoon character as any comedic Jim Carrey role. He's good in it, but make no mistake, he is being Jim Carrey. If you do not like Jim Carrey, you will not like this film.

What I didn't expect is that there were actually several things in this movie I liked outside of Carrey. In fact, my favorite gag in the entire film is his assistant Pipi, who proclaims perilously p-filled prose about Popper and his preposterously perfect penguins. My favorite moment in the entire film involves her in the last few minutes.

The penguins themselves actually look really nice. You can tell they're CGI, but they're very nice looking CGI. The acting from the entire cast ranges from good (Madeline Carroll, his daughter, who is also in another film I'm quite fond of, Swing Vote) to passable (his son, Maxwell Perry Cotton, seems a bit stale at times) and there are some gags that actually had me laughing pretty hard. Oh! Also the S.H.I.E.L.D. agent from the Marvel movies is in this film. And he's great in it, but only because I kept thinking of him as the same character, and that the job as a zookeeper he has in this film is just what he does on weekends.

I also thought the wardrobe for Jim Carrey, having him wear a tux for a large portion of the film, was a nice touch.

But let's talk about what I didn't like about the film as well. It's a kids film, and while it's a very well done kids film, there's nothing here you haven't seen before. A lot of the charm in this movie comes from the penguins, but of course it requires a LOT of suspension of disbelief for any of the penguin's gags to actually register. Not to mention the idea that a guy could just keep penguins in his apartment and not get caught.

Jim Carrey also attempts to coin yet another catchphrase here, "Yeahbsolutely." It's exactly as irritating as you might imagine.

I'm actually going to get a bit spoilery here to talk about the films biggest flaw, so if you really think this film is going to contain any surprises for you, skip the next paragraph.

About 2/3rds of the way into the film a disaster strikes the penguins. Mr. Popper tries his hardest to protect them, to the point where he obviously sacrifices not only his job, and his status, but quite clearly his health. Unable to prevent disaster, Mr. Popper doubts his ability to take care of the penguins. Thus, he gives them to the zoo where they will actually be taken care of. He honestly thinks he's doing the right thing, and to me it came across as a really heartfelt scene. The movie then makes it apparent that we're supposed to be disappointed in him for this. Sorry, but no.

Alright, no more spoilers.

Other than that one major flaw, the film is enjoyable. If you like Jim Carrey, you'll find this enjoyable at the very least. If you don't, you'll probably want to steer clear of Mr. Popper, and his penguins.

Lyrical Analysis - Justin Bieber's "Never Say Never" Ft. Jaden Smith

Welcome to Lyrical Analysis where- Uggggggghhhhhhh which one is this? The Karate Kid one? Ugh. Fine.

"Never Say Never" was written for the 2010 version of "The Karate Kid", a phenomenal movie you should absolutely go see, despite the fact that it has nothing whatsoever to do with karate.

Also, this song, which played over the credits, was the worst part of the film.

And because I'm a sucker for punishment, let's dive right in to, "Never Say Never"

"See I never thought that I could walk through fire/I never thought that I could take the burn"

Buffy did it better.

"I never had the strength to take it higher/Until I reached the point of no return"

Oh good, this one's going to actually rhyme.

"And there's just no turning back/When your heart's under attack"

Hmm, pro tip, when you're writing a motivational song, try not to group the words "Heart" and "Attack" near each other. It's depressing.

"Gonna give everything I have/It's my destiny!"

"I'M JUSTIN FREAKIN'-" Oh forget it.

"I will never say never/I will fight 'till forever"

But MAN, once forever hits, he's OUT of here.

"Whenever you knock me down/I'll never stay on the ground/Pick it up/Pick it up/Pick it up, up, up, up, up"

Please don't waste my time, time, time, time- ...Oh sorry, wrong song.

"Never say never (x3)"

You know, for a song about not saying never, they just say it a lot.

"I never thought that I could face this power/I never thought that I could feel this free

FREE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH MEEEEEEEEE... Crap, wrong song again.

"I'm strong enough to climb the highest tower/And I'm fast enough to run across the sea"

Hm... A version of The Flash with Justin Bieber instead of Barry Allen... Ehhhh, no thank you.

(Pre-Chorus) (Chorus) (That part with the pick it ups)

And then we get Justin Bieber and Jaeden Smith rapping. Joy.

"(Smith)Here we go!/Guess who?"

Hmmmmm, is it... Batman?!

"(Bieber)J. Smith and J. B."

Awww...

"I gotcha lil' bro"

That sounds dumb. Don't say that.

"(Smith)I can handle him"

Yeah, this is playing over the credits after all, didn't you watch the movie?!

"Well he's bigger than me/And stronger than me/And older than me/And taller than me/And his arm's a little bit longer than me"

Ok, I actually find that last line hysterical, only because... Have you seen Jaden Smith? The kid's tiny.

"But he ain't on a J.B. song wit' me!"

I'm sure that probably made someone jealous. Somewhere. That person is a girl.

"I be tryin' a chill/They be tryin' to side with the thrill"

Ok, can SOMEONE please tell me what "siding with the thrill" means? Because I have no clue. At all.

"No pun intended/Was raised by the power of Will"

Liar. That pun was totally intended.

"Like Luke with the force/If push comes to shove/Like Cobe in the 4th/Ice water with blood"

I'm sure that reference made sense to someone, somewhere.

"I gotta be the best/And yes we're the flyest"

Folks, I'd like to make a joke out of that, but honestly? There's nothing I can say to make that funnier. What is there to say about the term "Flyest" appearing in a Justin Bieber song? Nothing. That's what.

So really, all I can provide is this:

"Like David and Goliath/I conquered the giant"

Actually kid, he was pretty average size, you're just tiny.

"So now I got the world in my hand/I was born from two stars/So the moon's where I land"

OK JADEN WE GET IT YOUR PARENTS ARE FAMOUS! LET IT GO!

(Pre-Chorus) (Chorus) (Pre-Chorus Again?) (Never Say Never x3)

Aaaaand we're done. Ok. Well, the lyrics are cheese filled and CERTAINLY not "epic". The lyrics Justin Bieber was actually singing were awful, but that one line Jaden sung did get a pretty good chuckle out of me. I'd rate this above "Somebody to Love" or "One Less Lonely Girl" certainly, somewhere alongside "Baby" and "Eenie Meenie" in the land of being merely awful.

Next up... I don't actually know. I think I've covered his big 5 hits. I suppose I'll have to look through his discography, or find another singer to cover. Ah well, I'll figure something out.

The First Annual Wherein I Rant Awards - 2010

Well the year is drawing to a close. And you know what that means? Every site on the internet is doing "of the year" awards. So why not join in the fun? I present to you, the first annual Wherein I Rant Awards.

Video Games

Best Indie Game of the Year - Super Meat Boy

Super Meat Boy is so good I can't even explain why it's so good. By all accounts it doesn't seem like it would be any good at all, at first glance. A game which prides itself on being unfairly difficult? Where's the fun in that? But it is. It's really fun. If you haven't played this game yet, you should.

Runner up - Beat Hazard

Beat Hazard! This game is just FUN! You see, this game is Asteroids. Oh, did I mention that instead of blips you shoot visualized light set to the music of your choice? ANY MP3 WILL WORK! It's fantastic, fun, and will probably give you a seizure.

Best Game For Under $5 - Poker Night at the Inventory

Poker Night at the Inventory is the pilot in the new "At the Inventory" series from Taletell games. It's set around a simple, yet ingenious premise. What do our favorite video game characters do in their spare time? The answer? Play lot and lots of Texas Hold 'Em apparently. For $4.99 you can get this game, 4 unlockable items in TF2, and hours of banter between the characters. It's great.

Runner up - The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom


Braid gets tons of critical acclaim for it's difficult puzzles and "great storytelling" (I use quotes because that's a load of crap, in case you were wondering.) However P.B. Winterbottom is a game that has puzzle very similar to some of those in Braid, and I heard no praise for it. It's cheap, it's fun, it has a uniquely awesome visual style, as it looks like an old silent film, and you get to steal PIE. It's pretty darn awesome.

Best FREE Game - Alien Swarm

Alien Swarm is freaking amazing. It's a completely free title released by Valve on Steam (You must have at least one game purchased on Steam in order to be eligible though. Might I suggest Poker Night or VVVVVV?) which is a remake of an old mod released on the source engine. The campaign is nice enough, and there are a ton of weapons, making a fun survival game, but Valve took it to eleven and let

Runner Up - Minecraft Classic

Minecraft is a game that popped up on EVERYONE'S radar this year. The game which is essentially the ultimate sandbox is supposedly quite good. It just entered Beta, and supposedly gets better every day. I wouldn't know. I'm too busy playing Minecraft Classic, the free (and AMAZING) version on the site.

Best Game That Went Under The Radar - The Misadventures of P.B. Winterbottom

P.B. Winterbottom, again is a game I heard NOTHING about until I purchased a copy on sale for 49 cents and played it. And that's disturbing since it's FREAKING AWESOME. You play P.B. Winterbottom, the dastardly pie thief. There are several things I like about this game, from the art style, as I said above, is that of an old black and white silent film, even applying film grain. The game also insults you and talks about what a horrible person you are, stealing pies. Anyways, you get time manipulation powers (sort of) and long story short, if you liked Braid, you'll like this. If you found Braid's terrible storytelling a barrier to entry, you'll love this as this is both funny and well done.

Runner Up - Worms Reloaded

I didn't hear much press or fanfare for Worms Reloaded when it was released late last august, but it's a VERY good game. It's fun, it's funny, and... Well, it's pretty darn good! The reason this is the runner up is because I at least heard VALVE mention it when they gave you a free hat in TF2 for buying it when it released. Either way, it was pretty under the radar, and I liked it.


Movies

Most Touching Movie - Toy Story 3

OH COME ON YOU KNOW YOU SAW THIS AND ALMOST CRIED

Best Adaptation - Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part One was a fantastic way of showing off how you should adapt something. Stay true to the core of it, but understand that some things don't translate well between mediums. Also, cut out a lot of the camping scenes. Oh good grief the camping scenes.

Best Effects - Inception

BRHAAAAAAAAAAM! Inception, like it or hate it, had brilliant effects. Between the sheer beauty of seeing the city lift up on top of itself to the low grav fight scene, Inception's effects, CGI and otherwise, were awesome.


Best Animated Movie of the Year - Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3 is, quite simply, a great end to a trilogy. Most trilogies have a weak spot in them if you look. Star Wars had Return of the Jedi, and the Ewoks, Indiana Jones had Temple of Doom, and Toy Story had nothing. Now, while I still love me some Temple of Doom and Return of the Jedi, they were weaker films. The Toy Story films, all three of them, however, are fantastic. Keeping up that trend was enough to earn this my favorite animated film of the year.

Best Animated Movie of the Year Runner Up - Tangled

I praised this movie for every aspect of it in my full review, so if you have read that and are still wondering why this is so good... Uh... l2reading comprehension bro?


Worst

Worst Game of the Year - Chime

Ok, understand that this isn't really the worst game of the year, just the worst game I played this year. Chime is a rhythm game which might be fun if it had more than 5 freaking songs on it, but as it is, was just weak all around.

Worst Adaptation - Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lighting Thief

In contrast to HP7Pt.1 Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, took everything that was fun, witty, and charming about the book series, and threw them out the window in favor of a jive talkin' black sidekick. The main character is 16, not 12, which completely throw off the ENTIRE FREAKING POINT OF THE REMAINING 4 BOOKS, every character was changed extremely (for the worse) and worst of all Kronos is hardly mentioned. Luke's motivations are not only weaker for this, they're practically nonexistant. Not to mention the romance between Percy and Annabeth is resolved in the FIRST FREAKING FILM, instead of the FIFTH. It was a movie which might have been decent if it had been titled ANYTHING else.

Worst New TV Series of the Year - The Ev3nt

I saw one episode of "The Ev3nt" after looking forward to it for MONTHS. Let me explain how bad this show is. The first episode was the perfect storm of TERRIBLE. Terrible acting, terrible EDITING, and of course dialogue which sounded like this:
"Mister President sir, should we do something about the... Event?"
"Yes, we must keep the... Event a secret."
"But sir, what if there's another... Event?"
"Then we must be careful. We can't afford to let another... Event happen."
"I don't like... Events, sir."
"Neither do I. I don't think anyone likes... Events."
"Except sir, perhaps... Event planners."

Worst Ending of the Year - Puzzle Agent
Puzzle Agents is a game I got for a buck. I played it for around 4 hours. I really was enjoying it. It was like Professor Layton but... No, actually it was like Professor Layton. But that's a good thing! I had an interesting mystery surrounding a mysterious town... I was solving the puzzles... I was getting into it aaaaaaand....

Credits roll suddenly. What. Nothing answered, no resolution given to any characters... GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. WHY? HOW? WHO? Are the Gnomes aliens? Monsters? Was the one guy dead or alive?! WHY WAS I SUDDENLY AT A SPACESHIP FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GAME?!

Screw this game, and it's ending.

Stupidest Moment of the Year -
Roger Ebert Opens Mouth, Inserts Foot

I've yelled about this enough by now that it feels pretty redundant talking about this again, but let me sum up the idiotic statement that a man named Roger Ebert made. "Games can never be art." If you need any more information than that quote, click through and read my post. Seriously. Ebert had to make a public apology. That's how bad this was.

Most Depressing Thing This Year - Stupid People Are Stupid, Complete Monsters Are Complete Monsters, -100 Faith In Humanity

I've made it FAIRLY APPARENT over the last year, since I started this blog, that I'm a big fan of games. I view them as a budding art form, am a huge advocate for games as art, and fully advocate games being treated equally to film and books, instead of the double standard that's SO apparent in the industry right now. Unfortunately, it gets pretty discouraging some times. Especially when you hear about MORONS who do absolutely HORRIBLE and UNSPEAKABLE things. Example? A few weeks ago a Korean college student died after a 12 hour marathon gaming session where he did not eat, drink, or otherwise attend to normal bodily functions. I wish I could say that this was the least depressing story this year, but unfortunately, that's the bright and sunny, happy story for this post. Take for instance this monster who commited the UNSPEAKABLE act of killing her child and leaving him on the floor for two days as she played games.

As with every year there are MANY of these stories, and no one of them can be called the "worst" as their all horrific in their own right. We have to keep in mind though that these people were obviously unstable before they began playing games, and the games are not at fault here. After all, the anti-games advocates hands aren't quite clean either. As was the case of the Korean boy killed in a Chinese "video games addiction reform boot camp".


Sigh. Stories like these keep making me lose faith in humanity


Best of the Year

Best Video Game of the Year Runner Up - Fallout: New Vegas

This is tough for me. I really do want to say this was the best game of the year. Fallout: New Vegas is a fantastic game all around. It's funny, fun, creative, and features some of the best examples of storytelling I've ever seen in a game. The gameplay is fun, and while it's essentially Fallout 3 set in Vegas, I actually like it a bit more.

Except for one thing. It's one of the buggiest games I've ever played. It absolutely should not have been released for another 3 months at least. I got it at the end of November, it had been out over a month, and it was still nearly unplayable. Random crashes, characters doing various bad things (like standing with their noses in the corner like they're in a time out) and clipping.

It's just... I can't say that it's ok for a game this buggy to be released. It's unacceptable. Game developers need to stop putting half broken games out there to be purchased. It's just not a finished game yet! The content is fantastic... When it works...

And that's what keeps me from calling it the best game of the year. That title goes to...

Best Video Game of the Year - Mass Effect 2

Another absolutely fantastic game. This is another landmark in game development. Mass Effect 2 is a great game. It has fantastic writing, fantastic characters, and is just all around fantastic. It's simply a wonderful game. Tali, Thane, Mordin... I could write entire articles on any of these characters, and why more game developers need to pay attention to their writing.

It would be very easy for Mass Effect 2 to fall victim to "middle child syndrome" as many games have, having neither a really good beginning, nor a really good ending, since it's simply a connector between the beginning of the trilogy, Mass Effect, and the smashing finale coming out next year (supposedly) Mass Effect 3. Instead though it starts by (spoiler alert I guess, although it happens in the first 5 minutes) BLOWING UP THE NORMANDY AND KILLING COMMANDER SHEPARD.

Not exactly a lackluster start. What follows is an EPIC story which took me around 30 hours to complete. And I loved every single minute of it. The characters are all fantastic, the gameplay is fantastic, and essentially they took everything that was bad about the first game, and fixed it. Then they made more fantastic characters like Thane, Legion, and Jack and... Well, it's just an AMAZING game! Seriously, if you haven't played this game yet, you're cheating yourself.

Best Movie of the Year Runner Up - Toy Story 3

Toy Story 3 is a great film. I spoke a bit about it above, but... It's really superb. I can't stress how good it is. I'm not sure if it's on DVD or not yet, but if it is and you haven't seen it, either go buy or rent it immediately. It's the perfect end to a great trilogy.

Best Movie of the Year - Inception
Inception is the latest film by Christopher Nolan, creator of The Dark Knight and Batman Begins, among other things. It's a fantastic, albeit confusing at times, film with tremendous ambiguity and many possible interpretations. Again, if you haven't seen it yet, go do so immediately.

Most Inspiring Moment Of the Year - Brian Wood Gives His Life To Save His Family

If there was one moment that could inspire faith in humanity, in the face of all the tragedies I mentioned above, it would be the story of Brian Wood, the head developer of the game Company of Heroes, who gave his life to save that of his wife and unborn child.

If you didn't follow this story as details arose last September, here's the short version. Brian Wood and his pregnant wife, Erin Wood, were out for a drive one night. Unfortunately, so was 21-year old, Jordyn Weichert. Jordyn was out driving with a few of her friends, drunk and stoned, and decided to take off her sweater, while driving. She asked her friend, Samantha Bowling, to take the wheel for a moment as she did. As she did so, she drove head on into Brian and Erin.

Had it been a head on collision for both cars, Erin and Brian both would have died. At the last moment however, Brian made a split second decision, and swerved, a decision that would save the life of Erin and his unborn child, but cost him his own.

A noble, and inspiring story, to be sure. One which wasn't quite over just yet. You see, not long after, Erin went on The Today Show with her story. (Warning: If you aren't in tears yet, watching that video will cause you to be.)

As many people saw it, either through the TV, or via sites like Kotaku, one of the main news sites reporting on the story, a memorial fund was started for Brian which raised a lot of money for Erin and her child.

Millions of users from the internet, gamers, sent kind words and condolences to Erin. Something that, for the internet, is highly unusual. Something which Erin Wood would respond to shortly after.

" Hello.

My name is Erin Wood, and I wanted to send a request to please pass along my most sincere and heartfelt thanks to the gaming community for the overwhelming support provided to me in the past two weeks. I asked coworkers of Brian how I might best send my thanks, and they recommended sending them to Kotaku - hence this email. Any way you can help share this with the community would be much appreciated.

Brian always told me about how close-knit and wonderful the video game community was, but I had no idea until this tragedy just how special a group it really is. From all the articles and comments, to the emails and donations, I am simply stunned and so touched by the love, kindness, and generosity shown to me and my family. As everyone knows, the last 10 days have been the most difficult, dark days of my life. But this journey has been eased tremendously by the thoughts, prayers, and well wishes received from friends, family, and strangers living all over the world. It is so meaningful for me to hear about how his work and enthusiasm for the industry has touched others. Brian was completely and utterly devoted to the game industry, and was pretty much living his dream every day. He woke up every morning excited to be working in such a creative, demanding field. It was such a joy to be married to someone who was absolutely passionate about his professional life.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the compassion and support. It is so http://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gifappreciated, and has been a light to me in this impossible situation.

Warm wishes,
Erin"

A tragedy, yet an inspiring moment to be sure. Happy New Years everyone.


UPDATE MARCH 29TH 2011: I wrote an addendum to this post, after rewatching several movies again. It can be found here.

Movie Review - Tron Legacy

Tron Legacy is the sequel to the cult classic film Tron, which was released 25 years ago. I'm not exactly sure who thought this was a good idea, but ok. Sure. Tron, for those who don't know, was about Kevin Flynn, a computer nerd getting sucked into a computer system and finding a magical world inside. Lot's of stuff happened, and most people mostly remember one scene.



Cutting edge, back in the day. And still, even though the technology looks dated, a fun scene. It has tension, and is in general a good, fun scene.

So, Tron Legacy takes place in present day. Kevin Flynn went back into the grid in 1989 (the computer world) and vanishes, leaving his son, Sam Flynn, our main character, to grow up an orphan.

Years pass, and Sam is a rebellious, 27 year old who's not yet taken over his fathers company Encom (which is basically a Microsoft expy, in case anyone was wondering.) and does things like break into the Encom building, and do WACKY SHENANIGANS!

As one might expect, before too long Sam ends up getting zapped into the grid himself. And that's where the movie really begins.

So, let me talk about what I liked about Tron Legacy. (Don't worry, this won't take long.)

First of all, the visuals are very nice. For example, the lightcycle scene in this one is a lot of fun. There are ships that look like big space invaders, and the grid looks very sleek and minimalist. Unfortunately, while they excelled in making it seem minimalist, this is not always a good thing, since every solid surface is black in the entire film, that means you have black buildings on black streets in front of a black sky. There are small streaks of color but... The world just starts to feel dull and empty before too long. While the visuals are nice, there just wasn't enough color.

But the visuals were nice. I'll give them that much. The effects are impressive, if not a bit too dark.

The other major success in my opinion was the fact that they got Daft Punk to do the entire soundtrack. Seriously. Daft Punk and Tron are a match made in heaven.



I'm not the biggest Daft Punk fan, but they fit this movie so well it's not even funny.

Ok, so now let's talk about what I disliked about this film. This part may take a bit longer.

Now, I'm going to get a bit spoilery for the first hour or so of the two and a half hour film here, because I seriously can't explain how monumentally stupid this plot is without... Well... Explaining how monumentally stupid this plot is. So uh... Be warned. I won't spoil anything past the first hour or so, but... Yeah. The first hour or so of the film is fair game past this point.

So let's talk about the story shall we? What words can I use to describe the story of Tron Legacy? Hmm... Tedious. Nonsensical. Technobabble. Stupid. Uninteresting. Dull.

Yes, I can use all of these things. You see, the story of Tron Legacy is stupid. Really, really stupid. Now, I didn't have high expectations for the story of a film about a guy finding a magical world inside a computer, but this was BAD. Really BAD.

So. Kevin Flynn has been stuck inside the grid for 21 years (1989-2010). That's what we're getting at here, yes? Ok. First, let's take a look at why he's trapped. You see, the portal in between our world and the grid only stays open for 8 hours. And my favorite part, it can only be opened from the outside. Why? Why would you do that? Why would you not include any sort of failsafe in the device, in case, you know, YOU GOT TRAPPED INSIDE FOR 21 YEARS? Especially if it were a secret that such technology even existed, and you told NO ONE about it.

And even then, are we to believe that the computer has simply stayed online for 21 years? That's a long time! I'm sorry but there's no way that's possible! Let's even ignore the most obvious problem, that the facility is shown to have been without power when Sam first enters it, and pay attention to the fact that to keep a computer running for 21 flame would require constant upkeep!

There are many reasons why this wouldn't work beyond the power, but let's take a look at the first one that popped into my mind.

Do me a favor please. If you're on a desktop, get out of your chair for a moment, and look at the fan vent on your computer. It'll likely be on the back, although if you have a nice case there may even be multiple ones. If you're on a laptop it'll probably be on the bottom of the laptop. Tell me, what do you notice in the fan vent? Likely, the answer will be a lot of dust.

You see, computers and dust are not friends. That's why microchips are made in clean rooms which have been completely sterilized from all dust. That's why laptop fans are designed to be so hard to clean, so that they'll break and you will have to buy a new one.

Caution: Mild language



Now all that dust you see on your computer is just from you running it for, let's be generous, 8 hours a day. How long have you had your computer, assuming you've never cleaned your vents out? (also: shame on you) Probably, in fact, definitely not since 1989.

Now, for a computer to continue running for 21 years, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and never be cleaned at all (and it's pointed out to us that it hasn't been.) then... I see no way that system could still be running.

So there's our first major plot hole. How far into the movie are we? 15 minutes? How long is it? 2 and a half hours? Oh.

So, we get into the grid, and what do we find? Programs are people too! Lo and behold, a computer is just like a city. Ok. Sure. This is Tron, I'm going to let slide the fact that this is NOT HOW A COMPUTER WORKS AT ALL.

So we get taken to the games, and run into Clu, the resident Evil McBadguy of the grid. He looks just like Kevin Flynn because yes. Apparently Kevin "made him in his own image" by looking in a mirror or something. This is never adequately explained. Get used to it, nothing in this film is adequately explained.

So Sam gets put into the fanservi- excuse me, lightcycle tournament, and... It's a visually striking scene. It takes out a lot of the tension of the original scene in my opinion, because... Well the original scene was shot largely from the perspective of the driver. It was cramped, and claustrophobic, and at the same time you knew what was going on. This one was much more hectic. Still, this is one of the better sequences in the film, so I won't complain.

Before the fanservicemobiles can kill Sam though he's saved! By a GURL! Gee, I wonder if this mystery woman will be some sort of creepy love interest for Sam in this film? (Hint: She is.)

Ok, I'm sorry, but what? SHE IS A COMPUTER PROGRAM! DO YOU UNDERSTAND THIS SAM? YES, I GET IT, SHE'S THE FEMALE LEAD AND YOU'RE THE MALE LEAD. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO WANT TO PURSUE A RELATIONSHIP WITH BITS AND PIECES OF DATA.

This has to go up there as one of the WEIRDEST romantic subplots in film history. I mean... I just... WHAT?! She's a computer program! It's just... WHAT?! You seriously want to... Well... I'm just saying... THERE WOULD BE PROBLEMS. MANY MANY PROBLEMS.

Don't even get me started on what the children will look like. Because I seriously don't know. It's a mystery.

In any case, luckily this PAINFUL subplot is put on the shelf for MOST of the movie, and if you try REEEEAAAALLY hard you can ignore it.

So Kora, the... Ugh... Love interest... Takes Sam to his father. His father then explains the two worst plot points of the movie, or to be more accurate, mentions the two worst plot points of the movie.

You see, neither of these plot points are ever explored in ANY detail AT ALL. And the worst part is, if either of them were explored even slightly further, they may actually have not been half bad. In fact, they could even have possibly saved the film. Or at least made it better.

The first TERRIBLE plot point is the introduction of the Isos. What are Isos you ask? Well so did I. Isos are, and I paraphrase, "new life forms which began within the computer system". Why are they important? Apparently they hold all the secrets of the universe? Why? How? THIS IS NEVER ADEQUATELY EXPLAINED.

No seriously. All they say is, "Here's the Isos. If we got them into the real world we could cure cancer, change science as we know it, cause world piece, end world hunger, and punch Hitler in the face. Why? That's an excellent question. Allow me to not explain this at all in any way ever."

The Iso's... They're DNA or whatever hold all the secrets of the universe. Why? Because BLAH.

Sigh.

They were all killed by Clu for being imperfect when he overthrew Kevin. Ok. Sure. Why not.

The other STUPID PLOT POINT OF STUPIDITY is the fact that apparently programs will be able to leave the grid using the portal and enter the real world, if they have Kevin's disc. Why do they need Kevin's disc to do this? What's special about that disc? THIS IS NEVER ADEQUATELY EXPLAINED.

They tell you over and over that Kevin's disc is the master key to everything, and never explain why. They don't even give you a technobabble reason why, they just expect you to accept it. NO. I REFUSE. I REJECT YOUR STUPID STUPID REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN.

Yes, that's it. It's official. The reason why Kevin's disc can let programs materialize into the real world is because KEVIN IS A UNICORN. OK? OK.

Now, I'll stop here, in case anyone actually can't see exactly where the plot is going. I won't spoil any more of it.

The more observant of those reading this may notice that, for a film called "Tron Legacy" there's a distinct lack of a certain security program called "Tron" in this film. Well you see, that's because Tron himself has all of 15 minutes of screen time. That's right. This is Tron, without Tron. Sure. Why not.

You see, in order to make Clu, which is a younger version of the actor playing Kevin, they actually used advanced technology to make him look younger during the film. Now I gotta say, that's actually really cool. It also looks really good. Although there's a bit of uncanny valley going on, it's still pretty darn cool technology. Unfortunately it's also expensive, so they chose only to make one character look younger, not two, and so Tron is hardly in the film. Much sadness.

There's also a few... Strange moments that seem to be contradicting what we already knew about the Tron universe, and the way the grid works. For example, every program has an identity disc. This identity disc records everything the program does and learns. Ok. Sure. It's Tron logic, but I can accept that.

Up until the scene where we see a program with two identity discs. What? No seriously, what? Is this a program with multiple personality disorder? What are we to take from this?!

Gah.

The characters are bland and generic, when they aren't having some sort of EXTREMELY STRANGE AND PROBLEMATIC sexual tension going on between them. The villain is generic. He has a generic henchmen. Kevin is a generic wise old man character. Sam is a generic young protagonist. Kora is a generic female lead.

The only character with any, erm, character is killed off after less than 15 minutes of being introduced. This character who shall remain unnamed was the only one who was even semi watchable in the entire film, and even his personality felt over the top and forced. But hey, at least he had a personality.

In short, Tron Legacy is a film which is saved by it's effects, and just barely saved at that. It's a watchable enough film because of the effects, but the story is absolutely idiotic, and the characters are all painful. Also, PROBLEMATIC ROMANCE IS PROBLEMATIC.

Bottom line, Tron Legacy is a film that, while worth seeing, I only recommend being seen in theaters if you are a major fan of the original. If you weren't a major fan of Tron, wait until this hits DVD, and rent it. For now, spend that extra dough, and go see Tangled. Again, if you've already seen it. It was a much better film.

Random Thoughts That Don't Deserve A Whole Blog Post

Oh man, Glee has been really REALLY good this season. I am confident when I say that they have improved upon every way I wanted them to improve upon from season one. They're focusing more on the kids, and less on the adults. Which was my biggest complaint from season one. The covers have all been really good... Well maybe not the Britney Spears episode, but otherwise awesome. They've been doing lots of covers, and the humor has been spot on. Honestly this is proof to me that the Glee showmakers have learned what did and didn't work from the first season and improved upon it. Which is good. If they keep it up, it could become one of the best shows on TV.

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The DC Animated movies they've been making lately based on graphic novels are soooo good. Also, Adam Baldwin was incredible as Superman in Superman: Doomsday, I had no idea it was him until I saw his name in the credits. He just dissolved into the role. Quite a feat considering...



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TV Tropes will ruin my life.

That said I think it is a great site and anyone who's serious about writing could learn a thing or two just by browsing the site for a few days. The only problem is that the site would cause you to browse the site for a few days... Without sleeping.

* * *

AH! Fallout: New Vegas! I need this! Ah! Gotham Central: Book Two! I need this! Ah! Cataclysm Collector's Edition! I need this! Ah! More money! I need this!

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Ho. Ly. Crap. That is in my opinion the best cinematic Blizzard has done. It's... Really really good. Just... Really really good.

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I wish this blog got more hits. Leh sigh.

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I never finished playing Assassin's Creed 2... Even though it was really good. I should really pick that up again. It was a LOT better than the first game. Although that's not to say it didn't have a few... Issues. Still, a great game. I never finished Borderlands either, and that was really good too.

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The book I'm writing, which I spoke of previously has been coming along quite nicely. I've written the entire rough draft (About 28,000 words.) And now I've rewritten the first three chapters. Ideally, I'd like to have the whole second draft completed by the end of November. Realistically, I'll probably have the whole second draft completed by New Years.

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I've been playing quite a bit of WoW lately, getting back into raiding. Working on getting the Glory of the Ulduar Raider (10 Player) achievement, and the mount. Still have Hodir, Freya, Mimiron, Vezax, and Yogg hard modes to do. I'll probably end up doing a whole post about 4.0.1 soonish.

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I can't decide if I should get Civ V or not. On the one hand, I loved Civ III, but I haven't played one since then. Eh, I'll probably get it when the price drops a bit.

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I really need to watch Fringe. I've heard only good things about it, and the first 6 or so episodes were awesome, but I haven't seen any since then.

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No Ordinary Family is one of the best new shows this season. It's exactly what I wanted it to be. The Incredibles, the TV series, in everything but name. It's got a similar charm and sense of humor, mind you The Incredibles is still far superior, but it's pretty darn fun. I quite like it.

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Good grief. When did Bill Murray get so... Old? Seriously! He's 60 now?! And he doesn't look very good for 60 either.



I mean seriously. He looks ABSURDLY old in that picture. Wasn't he in Zombieland just a year ago? I swear he didn't look this old in that, and he played a zombie.

...Ok to be specific he played Bill Murray PRETENDING to be a zombie, but STILL!

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Am I the only one who glad they're just dropping the concept of The Doctor having finite regenerations? I'd rather they pretend they never said he could only have 13 than waste a whole season with him moping around, only to die, and then get more through the power of zaptronic-wibbly-wobbly-deus-ex-plot-coupons.

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Really? Really? I wrote a whole bunch more to this post and Blogger deleted it. Ugh. Ah well, I'll just wrap this up now because I could continue rambling for awhile.

The Problem With Superman

It's not exactly unknown that I like Batman. Batman is awesome. Batman comics, movies, cartoons, whatever can be everything from campy fun, to serious looks into the flaws of humanity.

But what about other superheroes? Well of course, I like those too! Green Lantern, Martian Manhunter, Spider-Man, The X-Men, Wonder Woman, and so on and so forth, I like those too. They're pretty cool.

But there is one Superhero that everyone loves. Superman. The Superhero to end all Superheroes.

Of course I too, like Superman. He's Superman. Arguably, without him, there wouldn't even be a Superhero Genre. But there is one fatal flaw with Superman. He's too perfect.

Invincible, super strong, able to fly, able to melt things JUST BY LOOKING AT THEM.... Let's not kid ourselves here, Superman is basically a god.



Selin Fireheart wishes he were Superman.

The problem with Superman is that in order to have any sort of drama, you either need to have plots which

1. Exploit one of his two weaknesses, kryptonite or magic.
2. Deal with absurdly high stakes.

If you exploit his weaknesses EVERY SINGLE STORY, it gets repetitive. And redundant. And repetitive. And redundant. I mean seriously, I'm pretty sure enough kryptonite fell to earth to rebuild the planet krypton 3 times.

And dealing with absurdly high stakes can only work so often. You can't battle for the stake of the entire universe every other day, or it gets a bit... Ridiculous.

I mean, when you have Batman comics, you have a city, the city of Gotham, which is completely controlled by evil. No matter how much Batman does, he's still just one man. That's one of the greatest things about Batman. Is that he's just one man. The streets of Gotham are still incredibly dangerous, even with the equivalent of Ninja Chuck Norris running around in a bat suit every night.

But Metropolis is a safe place. A boring place.

And then there's his villains. There's Lex Luthor, who's awesome, and interesting. There's Brainiac who's cool. There's Darkseid who, if Superman is a god, is the devil. And then there's... Toyman?



I can't possibly take Toyman seriously. Sorry.

And no, Doomsday does not count. Doomsday is just a deus ex machina with arms and legs. The only thing Doomsday was created for, and has ever REALLY done, is kill Superman. Doomsday isn't a villain, he's a plot device.


Mr. Mxyzptlk? Eh, the only thing that gave him any creditablity is the "Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?" one shot comic, which, by the way, if you haven't read, you should.

Lex Luthor is a cool villain because he's basically an ordinary man fighting (and sometimes winning) against Superman, but that can only go so far, Brainiac can be cool depending on the story he's in... I guess Darkseid is the only villain that can be any real threat to Superman... He's pretty cool I guess. The only graphic novel I've read with him in it is "Superman: The Dark Side" which doesn't really count since it's an Elseworld about evil superman.

The problem with Superman becomes even more apparant in the first Superman movie right about when there are two missles and... Well...



So what really baffles me is that ANYONE thinks the "Superman Vs. Batman" movie that's been floating around hollywood for AGES is a good idea. I just... Why? Why would you do that?

Let me allow a video explain why this is the worst idea ever. *Caution strong language*



Worst. Idea. Ever.

Movie Review - Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

*Spoilers for an 18 year old movie that has exactly the same plot as the first film follow*

So why am I reviewing a movie released in 1992? Well, because I just saw it for the first time on Netflix. And because it's my blog and I say so.

Everyone loves the original Home Alone. Home Alone is a great movie. It has a charming little boy for a main character, it's well written, and it's really entertaining. If for some reason you haven't seen it, it's pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. A 9 year old boy named Kevin gets left Home Alone when his family accidentally forgets him and leave on Christmas vacation. Wackiness ensues! When two robbers try to break into his house, it's up to Kevin to fend them off! It's a great movie, and it was very very popular, so popular in fact, that it spawned a whole bunch of similar movies that basically did what Home Alone did, but not as well.

So naturally since the movie was a smash hit was a success, they made a second one. Oh joy. But wait, this is not only made by the same people, it has the ENTIRE original cast in it! And Tim Curry! Surely this will be at least kind of amusing, right? Wrong.

Ugh. I hate this movie.

The biggest problem though is that it's the SAME DANG MOVIE. It is not a sequel. It is THE SAME MOVIE. They use every gag from the first movie that was even mildly amusing again. And again. And again. Did you laugh at that time when he said "Sir, I'm 9 years old, am I going to shop alone? I don't think so." in the first movie? I sure hope so because he's going to use that AGAIN! Twice! Did you laugh when he used the audio from the movie to scare off the robbers? Well guess what? HE DOES THAT AGAIN! Did you find it amusing when he used cardboard cutouts to make it look like there was someone behind a curtain? Well guess what? This time it's an INFLATABLE CLOWN! Way to really shake things up!



But the most maddening example of this has to be the Pigeon Lady. Remember the neighbor all the kids in the first movie were afraid of? Well this is the same character. It introduces her the same way, it treats the character the same, she exists for the exact same reason that the crazy guy existed in the first film.

In fact there was one scene I watched where... Well, let me just tell you my thought pattern while I was watching it.

"Oh look it's the pigeon lady. Yeah yeah, he's scared, he's running awa- Oh? What's this? He's stopping? He turned around? He's talking to her?! I know where this is going! He's going to say he realize he's not afraid of her and she's just a person like him like in the first movie, and then she's going to turn out to be a psycho after all! That'll be hilarious! This movie could still be pretty good...

Ok he's done talking, she'll roar at him or something crazy any second now...

...Aaaaany second now....

........

No....

Oh no....

SHE'S JUST LIKE THE GUY FROM THE FIRST FREAKING MOVIE AFTER ALL?!?!?! DANG IT MOVIE!!!!! YOU JUST FAILED AT YOUR LAST CHANCE AT REDEMPTION!!!!! BAD MOVIE! BAD! I- IT- I- BUT- AND- WHY- GR- ARGH- BAD- FRWEAOFDHDKLSNBGOIHDSKLVBDSLKHLGHDLKHFKLJG8U54RTIOFGRTI-"

And then my head exploded.

You might think getting the entire original cast together would at least save the movie from being horrible though, right? Oh but not so! Kevin still seems to be at least mildly charming for most the film (until the end. I'll get to that, don't worry.) but the rest of the cast just come off as either criminally negligent, or just plain creepy. I mean, in the first movie, Harry and Marv (the Wet Bandits) were bad guys yeah, make no mistake, but if I recall, they never ACTUALLY THREATENED HIS LIFE did they? Sure, they said things like "When I get my hands on that little kid I'm gonna [insert unspeakable thing here]" if they did say they were gonna kill him, it wasn't more than once or twice. But in this, they just say "I'm gonna murder that kid when I find him!" about fifty times. Yeesh. There went all the charm from the first.

Plus, this movie is just fundamentally flawed. The whole point of the first movie was that Kevin realized he loved, and missed his family after all, even though they were jerks, they were still his family. Meanwhile his family realized they had been jerks to him, and in the case of his parents, weren't paying enough attention to him. Ok, in real life it would result in far more severe consequences, but in a movie it works.

And then comes this piece of crap. And every character has completely forgotten the events of the first film. In the beginning, his parents LITERALLY LEAVE HIM BEHIND IN AN AIRPORT WHILE HE'S SCREAMING "Wait up!"

I'm sorry, but that crosses a line from really absentminded, to criminally negligent, and child endangerment. If that had really happened, don't you think the next year the mother would be very careful to keep Kevin nearby? Like, HOLDING HER HAND UNTIL THEY GOT ON THE PLANE? But no, because of that, he ends up getting on the wrong plane, and getting lost in new york. He's probably safer there. I mean seriously. CPS needs to intervene here.

Oh yeah, and Tim Curry is in it, playing a sort-of-badish-guy. But not really. He's pretty ok I guess.

But quite possibly the cherry on top of this crap sundae is the very end. With the traps. You remember the charming traps from the first one? These traps are not like those traps. Those traps were the kind of thing a 9 year old boy would make. These traps? These traps are the kind of traps an Iraq War Veteran would make.

Those traps in the first film (with the exception of the lawnmower trap, which I always found sketchy) were just meant to cause pain, and y'know, trap the bad guys.

These traps though are traps to FREAKING KILL THEM. Let me tell you the very first thing Kevin does? He gets to the top of a 5 story building, and THROWS BRICKS AT THEM FROM THE TOP. AND HITS MARV. LIKE 5 TIME. IN THE FACE.

.... Ugh, I really hate this movie.

I'm sorry, but Marv is dead. No one could survive that. No one. Ever. At all. No. Just, no.

But that's not even the most lethal. After that, he rigs up something involving a staple gun shooting Marv, a bag full of wrenches hitting Harry on the head, a 3 story fall for both of them, a large pipe to then fall on them from three stories up, presumably paralyzing them both from the waist down for life, lighting the rope they are climbing down on fire (it had been soaked in kerosene) causing them to fall five stories, electrocuted Marv (and he keeps turning the voltage higher and higher...) and my personal favorite, setting Harry's HEAD ON FIRE (that's not the best part) and tricking him into sticking his head into a toilet FILLED WITH KEROSENE.


...Sure. Why not.

The sheer lethalness of these traps give the whole film a really dark and creepy undertone, like Kevin is some psycho who's mind finally snapped. I guess he'd been spending too much time with Pigeon Lady.

And of course, after all of this, he lives, the family comes and spends Christmas Day with Kevin in the Plaza hotel (which they got to stay in free of charge as the hotel's apology for A. letting Kevin check in by himself, and B. losing him.) and the film closes with the Dad screaming (keep in mind he only had the opportunity to do so because they abandoned him in an airport.) "KEVIN?! YOU SPENT $968 ON ROOM SERVICE?" At which point Kevin gasps, and runs off into central park. Now, the film ends here, so I can't be sure that following this scene Kevin is immediately mugged at knife point and killed brutally, but considering Home Alone 3 stars a different kid, I feel I have no choice but to assume that he was.

And thus is the dark end to a dark film. Seriously though, this movie is bad. Not just kind of bad, really really bad. It's terrible. It's terrible and I hate it. It is very possibly one of the worst films I have ever seen. ARGH. I need to stop talking about this movie before my head explodes. Again.

Movie Review - Planet 51

So. I recently had the experience of watching the movie "Planet 51". And it certainly was an experience. This movie was made by "Ilion Animation Studios". If you don't recall all of the classics by Illion, don't feel bad since this is Illion's FIRST movie.

The movie is a sort of reversed E.T., taking place on a planet called [insert planet that is never named here] inhabited by [insert species that aren't ever named here], with a friendly but incredibly strange alien calling himself a "Human" coming from a planet called "Earth", crash landing and befriending the main character, Lem, and trying to get home.

All in all not a bad premise. In fact, a reverse E.T. is a... GOOD premise! A REALLY good premise. I'm actually surprised that hasn't (to my knowledge) been done before! This movie could actually be AWESOME! It all comes down to the execution. And I mean, c'mon, what are the odds that some movie studio I've never heard of could screw up such an excellent- Ok, I'm going to give up the false pretense. Yes, the movie didn't live up to what it could've been.



But this is a movie for KIDS. This isn't a Pixar film, or Disney Classic, it's a KIDS movie. So how does it hold up as a KIDS movie?

It's... Adequate. The premise is REALLY REALLY GOOD. The film is basically, like I said, E.T. The movie does this pretty, well, decently. The first 20 minutes are your typical "showing the main character's life before everything gets turned upside down" scenes, combined with showing the WACKY ALIENS!

...Wacky aliens that... Have a culture identical to 1950's America. What? Ok. I'm sorry but this was my major complaint with the movie. I can understand having the aliens look humanoid, or having a certain numbers of similarities, but it's TOO CLOSE. SOCIETIES DO NOT PROGRESS SOCIALLY IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. NOT ON EARTH, AND CERTAINLY NOT ACROSS THE STARS.

I know I should really be more forgiving of this since it's a kids movie, but the degree to which they do it is just... BAD. I mean... There's a monster movie coming out in the film called "HUMANIACS". Really? Coincidence of the century? NO. IT GETS BETTER. THE MONSTER LOOKS EXACTLY LIKE A NASA ASTRONAUT.

Essentially the only difference between 1950's America and "Planet 51" is that the cars have one wheel which goes around the whole car, and you see some kids playing hopscotch with, wait for this, CIRCLES INSTEAD OF SQUARES! Shocking I know.

I mean, a few more differences would have made sense, and made me enjoy the film a LOT more. The scene where the astronaut (Chuck) meets the main character (Lem) was the worst of all where they BOTH HAPPEN TO SPEAK ENGLISH. AND THEY ACCEPT THIS INSTANTLY.

What was the rational behind this? THERE WAS NONE. THERE IS NO RATIONAL WHY EVERYTHING IS SO DANG SIMILAR. Why 1950's America? Why not Renaissance Italy? Why not 1800's Japan? Why why WHY?

...Or perhaps this goes deeper than I thought? Perhaps this movie is saying that our technological, and sociological progress is so rapid, that a mere 50 years makes things seem alien? Perhaps it's a commentary on how we should aspire to the bold future shown via the bold astronaut, going beyond the reaches of the known universe, but still remember the mistakes of the past?

Or maybe it's just crap. Probably that one.

Essentially, this movie is harmless. It's not great, it's not terrible, it's just... Adequate. Some of the jokes do hit the mark, but all of the characters are flimsy and one dimensional, and the humor also seems to fall flat a lot.

For example, there's this running joke about an alien dog. (Who looks like an ALIEN from a certain other series of ALIEN movies featuring ALIENS)



The dog pees acid. Which, I'll admit, was mildly amusing the first time, but they use that same joke no less than 4 times, in ways that don't even make sense. For example, a mail man mocks the dog because it's on it's leash... And the dog pees on the leash, freeing itself, attack the mailman. Wouldn't the mailman know not to mock something that capable?

On planet 51 it rains rocks. Why? ....Because shut up, that's why. Also, one character says "It's raining rocks and dogs." which makes no sense. I mean, we don't say "It's raining water and dogs."

Overall the movie is adequate, and if it's on, and you have nothing better to watch (as happened to me), then you could do a heck of a lot worse than Planet 51. Now someone do this concept again as a drama please.

Movie Review - Iron Man 2

I've mentioned the The Dark Knight is my favorite movie before. The Dark Knight is a masterpiece. I don't however, necessarily consider it the best superhero movie of all time, because there's nothing super about it. It's based in a world firmly grounded in reality. It was a crime drama in tights.

Iron Man, which released a few months before hand, however, is what I would call the best "Superhero movie" in the traditional sense. Iron Man was a blast to watch. You watched the character of Tony Stark progress, but it never feels like he changes persay. He's still the same guy, but his near death experience has made him more responsible. It was a great movie. I loved it.

I guess I'm a little disappointed in the fact that Iron Man 2 just isn't as good. Don't get me wrong, it's a good movie... But I couldn't help thinking during it, "The first one was better."

One of the biggest problems is, in my opinion, the fact that Whiplash, the villain of the movie just isn't very interesting. I just couldn't care less about Whiplash. He was uninteresting. He was boring! For one thing, his accent was waaaay too thick. I couldn't understand anything he said. At several points I wasn't sure if he was speaking russian, or english.

In a superhero movie, the villain is as important- No! More important than the hero. Let me use The Dark Knight as an example. I'm of the opinion that Christian Bale is not a very good Batman. He's a great Bruce Wayne, but not a very good Batman. But The Joker and Two-Face are really great villains, and make it my favorite movie.

Better yet, let's look at another one of the greatest Superhero movies ever... The Incredibles. Syndrome, the villain of The Incredibles is a really great character. The interesting thing about him is the fact that you kind of feel bad for him! He was Mr. Incredible's biggest fan, and Mr. Incredible just pushed him aside! You understand his motivation!

On the commentary track for The Incredibles, Brad Bird (Director of that movie as well as another great movie The Iron Giant) said something that really applies, in my opinion, to Iron Man 2.

"A good villain can be funny. You can laugh at a good villain. But there's one thing you have to make sure: You have to make sure your villain is always a threat." Syndrome even says something similar in the film. "(Speaking to Mr. Incredible, who tries to reason with him) Now you respect me, because I'm a threat."

Whiplash never really felt like a threat to me in this movie. In Iron Man, Ironmonger was always a threat, but Tony never really knew until the end. In this, Whiplash spends most of the movie sitting in a lab. It's really rather boring. In fact, without giving too much away, the final battle at the end of the movie was really anti-climatic.

Of course, the movie does have some high notes too. The humor in this movie is still very similar to the first movie. The first time you see the character of Rhodey (who was recast in this movie. Don Cheadle now plays him, instead of Terrance Howard.) Tony says "I didn't think I'd see you here!" And Rhodey replies "Yeah well it's me. I'm here. Get over it." Unfortunately, I never really warmed up to Cheadle, and he and Robert Downy Jr. didn't have the same chemistry as he and Howard did.

Robert Downy Jr. did a good job as Tony Stark, just like in the first movie. I wasn't super partial to Scarlett Johansson in the movie though. She was ok I guess.

And that's the problem with a lot of the movie. The action sequences, the explosions, the plot... It all just end with me having a feeling of "Yeah, ok I guess." It just doesn't seem to have quite the same charm as the first movie did.

For all its faults though, Iron Man 2 is still worth seeing. I give it a recommendation, just... Don't expect it to be as good as the first movie. Because it isn't. That's all there is too it.

Oh, and without giving away too much... Make sure you stick around for the Easter egg after the end credits. It's basically a teaser for the next Marvel movie... Just watch it.

The Case Against CGI

(Note: This doesn't apply to computer animation movies such as Pixar.)

CGI or, Computer Generated Images, is quite popular in movies right now. And why wouldn't it be? CGI lets filmmakers create anything they can imagine! Back in the day, that kind of power didn't exist. You were restrained by the limits of technology. You wanted a dinosaur in your movie? Ok, but it was going to look terrible.

So is there any downside to CGI? At first it seems like there isn't. Sure, perhaps the cost is an issue, but for large budget movies it seems like it's a great option! But there's a very good case against CGI.

You see, the first issue with it is the fact that it's not real! I mean, sure, CGI has gotten to the point where we're almost out of the uncanny valley (the point where things look realistic enough that they look creepy), but even if we do get out of the uncanny valley, there's still issues with it.

This was the big problem with Star Wars I, II, and III. Take a look at these two pictures.






Now you see, the bottom one from A New Hope feels real. Luke, Leia, and Han feel like real people, in a real room, in real danger.

The top one, when you see it, you probably think "OOH! COOL! That's some dang good effects!". Yeah, you're right. The Star Wars prequels did have amazing effects. (The originals had good effects for the time too of course.) The problem is it brings you right out of that scene. And that happens over and over again in the prequels. You know it's not real because it isn't real. In the original movies, things weren't CGI, they were real. They were on sets. Real, physical sets.

But in the prequels, every scene had CGI in it. A lot of CGI in it. And sure, it looked cool the first time you saw it, but the original movies are still good today.

The second point, looking again towards the prequel movies as an example, is the fact that it makes acting really dang hard. Let's face it, a lot of the acting in the prequels was really terrible. Especially in Phantom Menace and Attack of the Clones. But I really don't think it was the actors fault. It has to be really hard to act when... Well... There's nothing there. Literally, nothing there. I mean seriously, CGI means that what the actor is looking at is essentially a blue stick.

Thirdly, it's over relied on. HELLO AVATAR! Seriously, I enjoyed that movie, and it was pretty. The technology behind it was great, but the story was not what you call gripping and compelling. Like I said before, technology is a tool. Think about, say, Terminator. Terminator is a much, MUCH, better movie than Avatar. Terminator was made before CGI existed in the form it does now. Terminator had a great, compelling plot, and really gripped you and pulled you into the story. It was awesome. You were certainly never thinking about the technology behind the movie while watching it. So what happened to that James Cameron? Did you forget how to write a good story, so you just made Dances With Smurfs?

Now I'm not saying CGI should be done away with. What I'm saying is filmmakers need to use it, not abuse it. I get it, I really do. It's a shiny new toy. Who doesn't want to play with a shiny new toy? The problem is CGI is a tool. Filmmakers are trying to pass of CGI as a painting. CGI is a paintbrush.


Oh, and of course, I gotta mention things like this:



That's bad for entirely different reasons of course.

Video Games CAN Be Art, Mr. Ebert.

Roger Ebert. This is probably a name you know fairly well. He's a film critic, very well known and respected. And rightly so. He's a good critic. Few would contest this. But recently he wrote a post I disagree with wholeheartedly.

Video games can never be art.

Now, I'm sure no one reading this is surprised that I'm not exactly in agreement with this statement. Video games are my passion. I love playing them, I love the community surrounding them, and I love the heated debate surrounding whether or not they can be art. And anyone who's read this blog, or knows me in real life, knows that I could not lean further toward the side of games being art.

Ebert actually first made that statement several years ago if I recall correctly. But this is the first time he's really cared to elaborate on it. This post was written as a response to a lecture given at TED. The video is about 15 minutes long, and if you have time I recommend watching it.




Now, let me start off by saying you're right. All three of the games she hit upon do not seem like art (for the reasons she listed, at least.) to me. Admittedly, the only one I've played is Braid, but Waco Resurrection is rather disturbing to be honest, and as I said, I haven't played Flower, so I don't feel qualified to comment on it. That would be like reviewing a movie after watching the trailer.

But what I think she was getting at (and take this with a grain of salt, since I haven't actually played the game) is that Waco Resurrection actually puts you into the shoes of someone else (Not someone whose shoes I'd especially like to be in, but still.), actually forcing you to say "I am David Koresh" in order to start the game. And while movies or books can make you relate to someone, sympathizing with them, or even cause you to hate them, the interactivity of Games can actually make you them. This hasn't really been demonstrated well by most games yet, but at this point games really are a new medium, a new artistic form in it's infancy. It needs time to grow.

And I'm not saying I think that Waco Resurrection did it especially well either. From the looks of things, it seemed as if it was trying to hard to pass itself off as art, without actually being art.

Now, as I said, the only one of the games I actually have played is Braid. And I wouldn't especially call that art, at least for the reasons she listed, either. To be honest, you're completely correct. Braid had about as good of storytelling as a fortune cookie. Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw of Zero Punctuation game reviews (As notorious for it's harsh criticism as it is for it's harsh language.) had this to say on the story:

"There is a story, although there might as well not be. I've always said the best stories are the ones that merge seamlessly with the gameplay, and in Braid they're kept in separate rooms, with you in the gameplay room looking into the story room through a tiny hole in a wall. Most of it is about some guy looking for a princess, or maybe she's his estranged wife, or his dead daughter, or the atomic bomb. Who knows?"

To be honest, I didn't find Braid as brilliant as most people did. I found it to be a fun puzzle game, with absolutely no penalty for death. It was fun to try and figure the puzzles out, but the story was horrible, and it felt like it was trying way too hard to be a game that would be considered art. I enjoyed the game, but didn't feel it was the flagship for the "Games are art" navy as most gamers seemed to.

So now I sound like I'm saying games can't be art. But that's not what I'm getting at, I just don't think her choices as to games that ARE art are good choices. What games are art? What games are, as you put it, able to be mentioned in the same breath as Shakespeare, Twain, Dickens, and countless other brilliant authors? Well, to be honest, there isn't a game that's quite able to live up to that standard yet.

But there are a few games I've played that I felt broke the barrier. Just barely crossing over into the realm of games being art, but nonetheless, have. And the main one, is Portal.

I've spoken about Portal before. Portal was a FPP (First Person Puzzler) made in 2007 by Valve, and I consider it one of, if not the, greatest games of all time. Portal did so many things right, that other games have not managed. The gameplay was amazing of course, but that's not what made it art. What made it art was the relationship between you and GLaDOS.

When the game begins you wake up in a small room, listening to a computerized voice introducing itself to you and explaining that you are a test subject for a company named Aperture Science, and it's new invention the Portal gun. The Portal gun can alter reality to make a small wormhole linking two portals together, letting you walk through one and exit out the other.

The first thing about this game is that it succeeded where many other games have failed by really making you feel as though YOU are the test subject. Not Nathan Drake, not Mario, not Master Chief, YOU. In fact, it's very possible to go through the entire game without seeing your character, Chell.



In fact, nothing is known about Chell. The only reason we know her name is because she was listed in the credits. GLaDOS never says anything about "Hello Chell". No, she is talking to you. You are Chell.

As you progress through the test chambers, you notice the tests are getting more and more strange, and dangerous, and GLaDOS (Short for Genetic Lifeform and Disk Operating System), the omnipotent computer voice guiding you is become more and more odd. It becomes more and more eccentric, and begins to expose you to more and more danger. Some of her quotes are quite funny, but dark.

"Please note that we have added a consequence for failure. Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an unsatisfactory mark on your official testing record, followed by death. "

She becomes more and more hostile, and causes you to do more strange thing.

Then they introduce the Weighted Companion Cube. A small box. That's all it is, is a box with hearts painted to it. And yet, millions of gamers have fallen in love with that box. It saved you. It helped you. GLaDOS made it your friend.



And then you reach the end of the chamber. So of course GLaDOS makes you incinerate it at the end of the chamber.

"While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk - and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot - it would tell you to go on without it, because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you. "

You can't progress until you do. You can stay there as long as you want, but you have to make the conscious choice to murder the companion cube, the only friend you have in the chambers, in order to continue. GLaDOS comforts you, "Although the euthanizing process is remarkably painful, 8 out of 10 Aperture Science engineers believe that the companion cube is most likely incapable of feeling much pain."

When you finally do burn it up, yes, you feel a little guilty that you murdered your only friend in this whole place. GLaDOS commends you though, "You euthanised your faithful companion cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations."

When you finally do reach the final test, surprise surprise, GLaDOS tries to murder you. She sends you on a moving platform into a fire pit. You escape, just barely with your Portals, and from that point on the game changes. No longer are you in clean, pristine test chambers, now you are running for your life through dirty corridors, and machinery. And yet you still always have GLaDOS there, taunting you.

"You are not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don't end up here."

Perhaps she's right, why would you end up in a place like that if you were a good person? This part of the game always manages to tell you why you're doing what you're doing without the World of Warcraft or Braid style of cookie fortune storytelling. No text boxes pop open saying "This is why you are doing this.", but you always know what you're looking for. Freedom. She's trying to kill you, and these level inspire a feeling of nervousness, fear, anger, and maybe other emotions inside of you. I imagine it's different for different people, but nonetheless, it's quite good storytelling.

Eventually you end up finding GLaDOS.



What ensues is probably one of the most memorable moments in any Video Games ever.

"Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you've managed to break so far is my heart. Maybe you could settle for that, and we'll just call it a day. I guess we both know that isn't going to happen."

And so you fight GLaDOS. The boss fight itself isn't all that interesting, it's fun to be sure, but not that interesting. You are given a time limit to redirect rockets at her and burn up different pieces of her like you burned up the Companion Cube. Poetic justice, I suppose.

And then there's this little ditty, as the end credits roll:



At first this just sounds like a humorous song setting up a sequel. (She's Still Alive!) But I really think there's deeper meaning in it. Other bloggers have disassembled the song before, but the most interesting lyrics in the song are the last line: "When you're dying I'll be still alive, when you're dead I will be still alive, still alive, still alive."

Now this is where I get into speculation.

Some people take that as a threat to Chell, a sort of "I'm coming for you.". But I disagree. I think the real meaning is a sort of acceptance. I think that the entire game was GLaDOS's way of trying to die. She was suicidal, in a big abandoned facility, all alone. She wanted to die. She wanted to be free. But she couldn't kill herself, likely because of a self preservation program. So she cloned you, Chell (Chell being a reference, obviously, to the sheep.), to try and kill her. Even the player's death in the game is explained by this. GLaDOS would just keep reviving you until you got it right and killed her. If this is true, then that line would not be a threat, but instead acceptance. She can't die. She understands that now.

That same blog I linked to earlier did a whole series on GLaDOS, and drew something interesting on his interpretation of GLaDOS. When he sees GLaDOS, this is what he sees:



I think I can agree with that. She's trapped.

Mr. Ebert, I don't care what you say, GLaDOS is one of the most interesting villains of all time. No, I didn't say video game villains, I said villains. She is fascinating, so much that people like me, or the guy who's blog I linked to have broken her down many times before. And if a game can have a character that interesting, I think games can be art. Portal is proof. Portal is art. It may not be comparable to Shakespeare or Dickens, but it has broken the barrier from being just entertainment, into being art. It's paving the way.

So sir you're right. The three games she pointed out in her lecture as proof of games as art are rather pathetic attempts. In fact, while she raised some good points, her lecture did fall flat. In fact, I felt like she was patting herself on the back for Flower, considering she was from the company that made Flower.

Allow me to explain something to you though. You asked

"Why are gamers so intensely concerned, anyway, that games be defined as art? Bobby Fischer, Michael Jordan and Dick Butkus never said they thought their games were an art form. Nor did Shi Hua Chen, winner of the $500,000 World Series of Mah Jong in 2009. Why aren't gamers content to play their games and simply enjoy themselves? They have my blessing, not that they care.

Do they require validation? In defending their gaming against parents, spouses, children, partners, co-workers or other critics, do they want to be able to look up from the screen and explain, 'I'm studying a great form of art?' Then let them say it, if it makes them happy."

No. That isn't why. I did a three part series called "Why I Care" that answers that exact question. It's the same reason why I suspect you would defend film as an art form.

So Mr. Ebert, although I have no illusion that you'll ever actually read this, I'm not nearly that important, the ball is in your court.