Hello and welcome to Lyrical Analysis, where WHAT THE HECK DID I JUST LISTEN TO?!
No, seriously! What did I just listen to? What was that? Was it music? Was it some sort of bizzare occult thing? Was it just blasphemy for the sake of blaspheming?
I... Buh... Wha? Whaaaaaa? Bwhaaaaaaa? Guh???? Blurghle snraflmgr ykrinder? Jfrinder? JFRINDER?!
I'm sorry, it seems that, in my confusion, I lost the ability to form actual words for a moment there. I think I'm mostly brkgh. Erm, back.
Anyways, let's talk about Lady Gaga for a moment shall we? Lady Gaga is an example of someone who is shocking purely for the shock value. Seriously. I don't like Lady Gaga much, not because most of her music is bad (it isn't, most of it is pretty listenable) but because it's obvious her persona only exists for image.
Seriously. With some people, things are shocking because it's clear that they aren't trying to be shocking, they're just like that. More power to them. And then we have Lady Gaga, where it's obvious she's only being shocking to get an image.
So usually, I try to ignore her, hoping she'll go away. And guys, I know that this song is just another case of her writing something shocking to be, well, shocking, but WOW. I mean... WOW. This is bad. Really bad. I may dislike this song more than any other song I've talked about here, including "My First Kiss". Yeah. It's that bad.
So I know writing this is just giving her what she wants, but I'm sorry, I've gotta talk about this song because... It's bad. Really bad.
It seems Lady Gaga is trying very hard to make it difficult to figure out just what exactly the lyrics to this song ARE, removing any youtube video with the lyrics in it, and claiming several sites have the lyrics wrong. So if I get the lyrics wrong at any point, that why. Sorry, but I've gotta work with what I've got. I'm basing this off of the lyrics for the song on a site called Metrolyrics. So yeah. Bear with me.
"Oh-oh-oh-ohoo/I'm in love with Juda-as, Juda-as"
Yes folks, one line in and already with the blasphemy.
"Judas/Juda-a-a/Judas/Juda-a-a/Judas/Juda-Gaga"
Ok this is actually something that annoys me in all of Lady Gaga's song (this and the pretentious and unnecessary french which bugs the crap out of me). She comes up with complete nonsense, and works her name somewhere in it. "Pokerface", "Bad Romance", "Judas", I think "Alejandro" had it... It's bad. Really, really bad.
"When he comes to me, I am ready/I'll wash his feet with my hair if he needs"
Oh I see what you did there! You see, it's like with Jesus, but she's talking about Judas! Oh ho ho ho, Gaga, you make blasphemy positively zany!
"Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain"
Uh... What?
"Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain"
Uh...... No seriously what?
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"Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain"
...This has to be an error with the lyrics I'm reading. Let me check another site.
"Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain"
I... What? What does that mean? Is it blasphemy? Is it... I don't know! What the heck does "Forgive him when his tongue lies through his brain" MEAN? I... I can't make fun of that! I can't comprehend that that line exists! What?! WHAT?! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!
"Even after three times he betrays me"
The "denies me three times" thing wasn't actually Judas. That was Peter. And it happened after Judas betrayed Jesus. So uh... Yeah. Here's some much better music.
Sigh... Back to the Gaga.
"I'll bring him down/Bring him down, Down/A king with no crown/King with no crown"
Holy crap. Lady Gaga just made fun of Jesus for being "King of the Jews". That stopped being clever around 33 AD. IN THE 1ST CENTURY. Let that sink in some people.
...
Wow...
...
Just wow...
...
Ok, here's some more much better music.
(By the way, if you haven't seen the movie I'm posting clips from, it's "Jesus Christ Superstar". Go see it. The 1973 one, not the 2000 one. Spoiler: Jesus dies.)
"I'm just a holy fool/Oh baby he's so cruel/But I'm still in love with Judas baby"(x2)
Never has upbeat sugary pop music met complete and utter blasphemy quite like it has here. You know it's a shame the lyrics are so... Erm... Awful, because the chorus's music isn't half bad.
"Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh/I'm in love with Judas/Judas/Juda-Gaga"(x2)
More annoying noises and crap. Hurrah. I am so enthusiastic about this.
"I couldn't love a man so purely/Even *Indecipherable gibberish*"
I'm not even going to bother POSTING what lyrics I found because there's no way they're right. I don't know what she says there, but it's not "Even darkness forgave his crooked way". It's just not. Even if that's the lyric, she's clearly saying something else there... I just don't know what.
"I've learned love is like a brick, you can/Build a house or sink a dead body"
Sheesh Gaga, that's a bit morbid even for you...
"I'll bring him down/Bring him down, down/A king with no crown/King with no crown"
No seriously Gaga, stop with that. You're just embarrassing yourself.
"I'm just a holy fool/Oh baby he's so cruel/But I'm still in love with Judas baby"(x2)
The day I believe Lady Gaga is a "holy fool" is the day pigs fly through a snowstorm in hell.
"Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh/I'm in love with Judas/Judas/Juda-Gaga"(x2)
Gah, this is worse than in Bad Romance.
And then, as if to say to the audience "Yeah, I know it sucks" the song insults itself with a loud,
"EW!"
...No, I'm not kidding. It's in there.
"In the most biblical sense/I am beyond repentance/Fame, hooker/Prostitute, wench/Vomits her mind"
I literally facepalmed when I heard this line. MARY. MAGDALENE. You know, the prostitute who was forgiven of her sins, and was one of Jesus main followers, AND the first to see him alive after his resurrection? Otherwise known as the woman who you REFERENCED EARLIER IN THIS SAME SONG. Yeah. The feet wiping thing? That was her. You're a moron. Do the research next time.
And even if you don't believe in the bible, you can't say you're beyond repentance in the BIBLICAL SENSE, especially when you're referencing sins that PEOPLE IN THE BIBLE WERE FORGIVEN OF. 'Doh.
"But in the cultural sense/I only speak future tense"
I don't know what that means, and I probably don't want to.
Aaaand the next line is stupid, disgusting, and I'm not going to talk about it.
"I wanna love you/But something's pulling me away from you/Jesus is my virtue/Judas is the demon I cling to/I cling to"
Wait what? Did we just switch songs? Because that almost sounds non-blasphemous. If I hadn't heard the rest of this song I'd easily interpret that as a line about how we all have certain sins we cling to and we need to learn to let go of them and stand with Christ. Seriously. What just happened? I'm confused. I'm too confused, we're moving on.
"I'm just a holy fool/Baby he's so cruel/But I'm still in love with Judas baby"(x2)
What's not to love about a man who sold his soul for 30 silver coins amirite?
Seriously... I just don't even know how to respond to this. This is one step away from straight up writing a song about worshiping the devil. I'm not even kidding.
Even if you're not a Christian... Writing a song about being in love with Judas? You gotta admit that's a bit much. Even if you only believe the Bible is fictional, it'd be like writing a song about how you LOOOOOOOVE Darth Vader because he killed little kids in Revenge of the Sith. It'd be like writing a song about how you LOOOOOOOOVE Benedict Arnold. You don't do it. It's just not right.
"Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh-Oh/I'm in love with Judas/Judas/Juda-Gaga"(x2)
STOP THAT. IT IS NO LONGER LISTENABLE. GOSH.
"Judas Juda-a-a, Judas Juda-a-a, Judas Juda-a-a, Judas GAGA"(x2)
And so ends Lady Gaga's latest piece of crap, "Judas". You know, it's kind of a shame. With different lyrics, I honestly think this could be a great song. Lady Gaga's best, even. Seriously, the music is awesome with a great beat, and her singing is actually really good here... Until you hear what she's singing, and realize not only is she blaspheming, but several lines reveal she clearly has no idea what she's talking about. Y'know, like the fact that she doesn't know who St. Peter is. Or who Mary Magdalene is. But whatever.
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