Lyrical Analysis - Avril Lavigne's "What the H***"

*Caution: The song I'm reviewing today, in case you didn't read the title of the blog post, has mild language in it. If you're going to be offended, don't listen to the video of the song I post.*

Hello, and welcome to Lyrical Analysis, I analyze it so you don't have to. IT'S A REFERENCE NOT A RIPOFF SHUTUP.

Hey folks, let's talk about Avril Lavigne for a moment shall we?

I really hate Avril Lavigne. Avril Lavigne is a pop singer who, even if you don't know her by name, you'd probably recognize a few of her songs such as "Girlfriend" (Harsh language), "Complicated", or the irritatingly titled, "Sk8er Boi".

The thing about Avril Lavigne that I find so odd is that, I don't really hate her music. Most of it, anyways. But good grief, her image, and her personality... Enough to make me despise her. Also, she released "Girlfriend". I hate "Girlfriend". Freakin' earworm...

Anyways, I had honestly thought (perhaps it was just wishful thinking...) she'd started to fade into obscurity. Imagine my surprise when I looked at the top 100 music charts looking for fodder for this post, and found that, shock and awe, she was sitting at the 23rd most popular song. Huh.

So then I gave a listen to the charmingly titled "What the H***". And I started laughing. True story.

Why would a song by Avril Lavigne make me laugh, you might ask? Well, what the heck, let's listen to "What the H***".

"You say/That I'm messing with your head/Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah/All 'cause/I was making out with your friends"

Oh is THAT all...

Great friends, by the way.

"Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah"

"Complicated" said "No, no, no", this says "Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah". I eagerly await her next single which will feature repetitions of the word "Maybe" in the chorus.

"Love hurts/Whether it is right or wrong/Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah"

Oh god, it's going to do that "Yeah, yeah" thing the whole song isn't it? Give me a second I need to prepare myself...

...Sigh...

Alright, next line.

"I can't stop/'Cause I'm having too much fun/Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah"

Just be glad she doesn't enjoy driving.

"You're on your knees/Begging please/Stay with me"

Sure, why not, you only cheated on him, why would he ever want you to go away? By the way, I love how Avril is played up to be the GOOD GUY of the song, as though her boyfriend was somehow smothering her by not wanting her to make out with other guys.

"But honestly/I just need to be/A little crazy"

Mission accomplished. Several times over.

"All my life I've been good/But now/Woooooah/I'm thinking/What the h***"

WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT HOLD ON WAIT WAIT WAIT. "All my life I've been good"? Really? You're Avril La-freakin'-vigne, and you're trying to sing a song about how innocent you are? I'm sorry, but no one that released "Girlfriend" gets to talk about how innocent they are.

Seriously. You have a reputation for being a rebellious "punk rock princess" (say that without gagging, I dare you), you JUST CAN'T MAKE A SONG WITH THE LINE "All my life I've been good"! It doesn't work that way! You can't do it!

Wikipedia has an entire section of your article dedicated to your tattoos! And according to that same page, you have the f-bomb tattooed on your chest! And you said that's your favorite word!

That's like 3OH!3 releasing a song about not being a pretentious jerk. It's like if Cee-Lo were to now release a song called "I'm Sorry and I Should Have Watched My Language!" That's like if Justin Bieber made a song that didn't suck! IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! YOU CANNOT JUST DO THAT!

GAH! Just... Next lyric...

"All I want/Is to mess around"

Ok see, now you're sounding more like Avril Lavigne.

"And I don't really care about/If you love me/If you hate me/You can't save me/Baby, baby"

Save you from...?

"All my life/I've been good/But now/Wooooah/What the h***"

Seriously. I get that you wanted to make a song about cutting loose, and just being yourself without caring about what people think of you. That's noble. BUT YOU DON'T GET TO TALK ABOUT IT IN PRESENT TENSE WHEN YOU'RE AVRIL LAVIGNE. GRRRRRAAAAAGGGHHHH...

"What, what, what, what the h***?"

Charming.

"So what/If I go out on a million date/Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah"

OK CUT THAT OUT IT'S REALLY GOTTEN OLD

"You never called/Or listened to me any way/Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah"

Ok, then break up with him. That's fine. If he really wouldn't listen to you, you had every right to be angry and break up with him.

...You did not have the right to FREAKING CHEAT ON HIM!

"I'd rather rage/Than sit around and rage all day/Yeah yeah/Yeah yeah"

I'D RATHER RAGE THAN LISTEN TO THESE IRRITATING "Yeah, yeah"'S BETWEEN EVERY FREAKING LYRIC. SO I WILL!

RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111111111!!!!11!!!one!!!

"Don't get me wrong/I just need some time to play"

You've had time to play Avril. It's called "Your entire life thus far".

"You're on your knees/Begging please/Stay with me"

I think he's probably singing "Love Me" to her.

"But honestly/I just need to be/A little crazy/All my life I've been good/But now/Woooooah/I'm thinking/What the h***/All I want/Is to mess around/And I don't really care about/If you love me/If you hate me/You can't save me/Baby, baby"

"La la la la la/Woah Woah"

Random noises!

"You say/That I'm messing with your head/Boy/I like messing in your bed/Yeah/I'm messing with your head/When I'm messing with you in bed"

And remember folks, this is her song about how innocent and good she's been her whole life.

"All my life I've been good/But now/Woooooah/I'm thinking/What the h***/All I want/Is to mess around/And I don't really care about (x2)/If you love me/If you hate me/You can't save me/Baby, baby/All my life I've been good/But now/Woooooah/What the h***/La la la la la la la"

And that's the end. THIS SONG... Doesn't really suck. Yeah.

I mean, the lyrics are BAD, but honestly, the worst part about them is they picked the worst possible singer. If I had gone into this song never having heard of Avril Lavigne before (I call such a place "Heaven") I wouldn't have taken nearly as much issue with the song as I do.

True, I don't approve of playing up the CHEATER to be the GOOD GUY in ANY song, but... Compared to some of Avril Lavigne's other stuff, this is like... Great. The music works well enough, and the "yeah/yeah"s are annoying but she uses them JUUUUUST sparingly enough to keep them from being TOO irritating.

I enjoyed this song more than I thought I would. As opposed to Bieber's work which irritates me, or 3OH!3's which enrages me, I actually found this song enjoyable to listen to. Not great, but certainly not terrible.

I still haven't forgiven Avril for "Girlfriend" though. Ugh.

Thoughts On "The Mannconomy"

Sigh... So, frequent readers of the blog PROBABLY KNOW I'm a big fan of Team Fortress 2. It's basically my favorite FPS on the market right now. I'm not a huge FPS fan, but Team Fortress 2 is a lot of fun.

People will also know I really really REALLY like Valve, the company who created Team Fortress 2. (And Portal.) Part of the reason I love Valve so much is because they don't cheat you. I mean, some companies would have released Team Fortress 2 for $60 when it released, and that would have been fine! But no, not Valve. They released "The Orange Box" which for $6o contained not only TF2, but Half-Life 2, Half-Life 2 Episode One, Half-Life 2 Episode 2, and a little game no one had any expectations for called Portal.

They're the people who make Steam! Steam is a great service that has made gaming a LOT cheaper!

So really I do love Valve. They're a great company. They make great games, and make sure you get your moneys worth.

So, imagine my surprise upon seeing yesterday that there was a new update to TF2 that added microtransactions!



*In Three Dog voice* Public service announcement time CHIIIIIIIILDREN! What are microtransactions? Microtransactions are a way that gaming companies make you pay them again for new content in a game you've already purchased. For a "small" fee, you get... Well that varies. Usually it's either a new weapon, a new cosmetic item, a new emote, something small like that. One example I've covered on my blog before was TRH or That Retarded Horse, a mount in World of Warcraft that could be purchased for the "small fee" of $25.

I hate microtransactions. I reeeeeally hate microtransactions. You see, there's only two real kinds, in my opinion. Cosmetic, and non cosmetic.

If you get a non cosmetic item (I.E. a new weapon, playable character, something like that) for real life money, then you now have an advantage over other players, just because you paid money. Therefore you are taking away from the enjoyment of other players unless they pay money also. And that's just not cool.

If you get a non cosmetic item (I.E. a mount, a hat, a pet in world of warcraft) then you just paid real life money for some shiny pixels that don't even change the game, which is pointless and annoying.. I. Do. Not. Like. Microtransactions.

That said, I.... Don't completely hate the microtransaction store in TF2. (The "Mannconomy" as the call it.) I mean, I certainly don't like it, but they've provided 3 years of free content to the game now, I can understand wanting to make a little more money off of it, to CONTINUE to provide awesome content in the game. Everything you can buy in the Mannconomy store (With the exception of a key that unlocks a chest that gives a random item) can also be gotten just by playing the game eventually, either by random chance, or by combining other weapons together through the crafting system.

Also, there is one REALLY REALLY COOL aspect to it. Some of the items were actually created by players of the game, and the players who created them not only got the items into the game, but get a portion of the sales! That's pretty darn cool.

So, if they had just left it at that, I really wouldn't have minded. I mean... I wouldn't have HATED the system. Is still don't HATE the system. My biggest problem with it is the prices. To get any of the new hats, you have to pay $17.49.

$18.

For a hat.

Let's list what else I could buy for $18.

A copy of the ENTIRE TF2 game which is on sale now for $10.

The new Mass Effect 2 DLC, "Lair of the Shadow Broker" also for $10.

A hardback copy of "The Killing Joke" Deluxe edition. (List price $17.99)

A full copy of Half-Life 2.

One of the 723 games in the steam category "Under $10".

A new CD.

A new DVD.

A month's subscription to an MMO. (Most cost $15 a month.)

18 candy bars. (Usually cost a dollar at the most.)

An N64 game on the Wii's virtual console.

Any number of other things.

C'mon. That's ridiculous.

But ok, the store is a bit pricey. I can accept that, it's not like the hats provide any TANGIBLE benefits. OH WAIT, HELLO THERE SET BONUSES.



The biggest problem I have with this update is the inclusion of "set bonuses". That in and of itself doesn't bother me, so much as the fact that hats are included in the "sets". Before this, hats did NOTHING. They were purely cosmetic. I do not like the fact that they now change gameplay AT ALL. Not one bit. Not to mention the fact that it take a LONG TIME or some really really insane luck to get the hats to drop, which therefore means that they essentially are selling an advantage.

But, overall, I don't completely hate this update. The idea of set bonuses are really cool, although I would like for them to not include hats in the bonus, and the items themselves are pretty cool, like the sniper rifle that applies Jarate to anyone it hits, but can't get headshots. Or the Milk Bottles that you can throw at enemies, which will heal anyone who hits the person who was hit by the milk bottles.

But what makes me uneasy is the fact that Valve has done this at all. While I still love the company, and I can understand the reasoning for them to want to make a little money off a game they've supplied over 120 free updates to, it does feel like a slippery slope to me, and here's hoping Valve is able to avoid the slippery slope, and continue providing great games, great customer service, and just all around being a great company.